5 Reasons Why I Might Never Date a Normie Again

By Amy Dresner 08/15/17

But seriously, have you been 5150’d more times than you’ve been to Whole Foods? No? Get a real problem and then we’ll talk.

girl ripping up paper heart after break up
People who have never struggled with addiction can't relate to a lot of things that people in recovery have gone through.

Ah: the joys of dating a normie. Now that the haze of lust and sex and love has lifted, I see things much more clearly now. (That, and I just got dumped by said normie so take all of this with a pinch of salt.) And yes, I know the following are generalizations and not all normies are like this, but come on, it’s my right to vent as a scorned woman. So please save your indignant comments for the guy that just stole your parking spot or cut your precious front row seat at an AA meeting.

After a steady diet of vanilla and horrified statements of “You slept with HOW many people?” or “I can’t believe you already drank all those yerba mates!" I have realized that normal guys just don’t get it and this is why I may never date a normie again.

1) They don’t really understand that you’re not your past:

Despite claims of “I don’t care about your past,” they really do. Oh do they ever. And they always want to examine it, maybe because it’s so foreign to them. It’s almost like being from another country. They’re constantly afraid that you’ll relapse while they smoke one Parliament Light and drink a Mike’s Hard Lemonade because they’re “not an addict.” But God forbid if you have a puff of someone’s cigarette, they’re convinced you’re gonna be shooting dope into your neck in no time. Truth is, I’m a totally different person than I was over four years ago. I don’t even recognize the old me that I’ve written or heard about. So when I hear a guy say, “This is just the way I am,” I don’t buy it. You can change. I did. I am fucking unrecognizable. And I’m sorry to say but it’s rare to find a normie who sees your overcoming addiction and staying sober as the tremendous accomplishment that it is. They view you more as a ticking time bomb or a woman with the scarlet letter A for addict.

2) They’re pussies

Little things are big things to them because they haven’t had, let’s say, the depth of experience that we’ve had. They say that church is for people afraid of hell, and AA is for people who have already been there. It’s not their fault. I wouldn’t wish what I did to myself on my worst enemy. But life is about perspective. All people have a personal low or a rock bottom but you cannot compare getting behind on your mortgage to having to wear a goddam bike helmet because you gave yourself epilepsy from a brief but zealous methamphetamine habit. Oh, did you have a close call with getting an old girlfriend pregnant? I gave myself my own abortion in a Burger King bathroom. (Just kidding—I've never been in a Burger King.) But seriously, have you been 5150’d more times than you’ve been to Whole Foods? No? Get a real problem and then we’ll talk.

3) They don’t get that the darkness is funny

Our darkness freaks them out. Yes I fucked trolls and psychopaths and people too ugly to be extras on The Walking Dead… and now it’s hilarious. It has to be or it’s unbearable and shameful. But watch the cringe of terror appear on your normie’s face when you recount the story of meeting your coke dealer at Cedars Sinai before you had an outpaitent procedure. Or tell them that you played tic tac toe on your slashed wrists and no joke, a tear will roll down their cheek. I don’t need your pity. I’ve got enough of my own. I need a guy who can hold me while we giggle about what an idiot I’ve been. But normies just don’t have the stomach to deal with that stuff. Oh yeah, it’s cool if it’s in Breaking Bad or Ozark but not so much in their girlfriend.

4) They haven’t really dealt with their shit.

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” These words were supposedly spoken by Socrates at his trial after he chose death rather than exile. Which means most of the bozos I meet around here should just be shot. It is the rare normie who has really lived an examined life and dealt with their issues. And I don’t blame them. It’s no fun digging around in that stuff and doing inventories and examining character defects and making amends. I would never have done it if I didn’t have to, JUST to stay alive and sober. So yeah, I get it. No normie wants to unpack all that luggage and deal with it….unless you’re gunning to be the next Dalai Lama. But how can we relate when I am constantly looking for my part in situations and he’s just like “Fuck that guy?”

5) They’re not as intense

“Nobody can ever love you back they way you love,” I heard once from my ex. Well I disagree. As addicts, despite our 400 forms of fear and our four million forms of neurosis, we are risk takers and fearless in love and other stupid stuff. We go whole hog into everything we do. We drink hard, we drug hard, we work hard, and we love hard. And despite our exquisite sensitivity, we are resilient fuckers. “You’re the strongest person I know,” was one of the last things he said to me. You bet your sweet ass I am.

Amy Dresner has been a columnist at The Fix since 2012 and is the author of the forthcoming My Fair Junkie. And she is on Twitter. And now she has her own website!

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Amy Dresner is a recovering drug addict and all around fuck up. She’s been regularly writing for The Fix since 2012. When she isn't humorously chronicling her epic ups and downs for us, she's freelancing for Refinery 29, Alternet, After Party Chat, Salon, The Frisky, Cosmo Latina, Unbound Box, Addiction.com and Psychology Today. Her first book, My Fair Junkie: A Memoir of Getting Dirty and Staying Clean was published in September 2017 by Hachette Books. Follow her on Twitter @amydresner.