Sam Smith may perform for sold-out stadiums the world over, but he still gets the shakes when he’s put in front of huge audiences.

“I get massive anxiety. I really struggle. I was so nervous at the Grammys this year,” he admitted in an interview with The Sun. “I thought I would be more in control of my body and emotions but I get so nervous, to the point I’m almost having panic attacks.”

The “Too Good at Goodbyes” singer revealed that he went through an especially bad spell struggling with his mental health over Christmas.

“My anxiety levels and mental health went through a shaky period at Christmas,” he said. “But I’ve started meditating now, I am not drinking, I am trying to look after my mental health.”

Currently on his Thrill Of It All tour, the 25-year-old says his music has kept him going.

“The other night—the opening night, at Sheffield—I was shaking… I am more nervous now than on my first tour,” he shared. “My love for music has grown and been my saving grace. Performing has become more a part of my life than it ever was. As soon as the first two songs are done, I am fine.”

His behavior and mental health came to a tipping point when he began drinking “way too much,” he explained. He quit drinking, planning to stay sober for the remainder of his tour, which wraps up at the end of the year—but has given serious thought to never drinking again.

“I’ve been completely off the booze for three weeks now. I never want to make promises but being sober is something I’m interested in,” he said. “When I don’t drink and I’m not smoking cigarettes, when I’m completely clean, I feel so focused and happy.”

He has another reason to be happy: his relationship with boyfriend Brandon Flynn, star of 13 Reasons Why, who he’s been officially dating since October.

“I am having a really beautiful time right now… Just like any relationship, it’s important to have someone who understands your life,” he reflected. “I have a house in LA and am all over the place. It’s great, we are young and it’s good to travel.”

Smith is currently on the UK leg of his tour, which is set to play all over the world until it concludes in November.