Dazed and Confused
Dazed and confused. I get it. I’ve been where you’re at, I’ve sat in those same rehab classes, Drug Court classes, courtrooms, day after day after day. Worrying, stressing, thinking that nobody knew what was on my plate, or what I was dealing with inside and what legal issues I had on the outside. The hunger was real to ‘escape’ by drinking or drugging, the fight or flight struggle inside me. I could have easily fallen back to old patterns, I could easily have gone back to the streets and escaped, temporarily. Maybe that’s how your feeling right now, maybe that rush of euphoria will take away the pain, sadness, loneliness, but for how long? A few minutes? A few hours? Then what? Addiction is a vicious cycle, it may numb you inside temporarily but you have to keep feeding it. You have to pay the rent in blood. I’m not even talking about the dollars your wasting, I’m talking about feeding it your soul. Addiction wants all of you, it’ll let you feel like your in control, at least for a moment, then it takes over. It strips away everything you once valued then it takes away your real friends, then your family, then your soul. So yeah I’ve stared into abyss, and the abyss stared right back at me. I’ve lost friends and family, jobs, relationships, all because I couldn’t stop, I lost control over something that started out as recreational, drinking led me to the drugging, and all along I still believed I was in control. I was living a lie, and believing the lies that I was telling myself. Lying to everyone else became acceptable and easily done. I’m not the smartest guy in the room but I believe most addicts will agree with me. At least those not still living in denial.
Getting ‘sober’ changed me, but finding ‘recovery’ saved me. Find the recovery program that works for you and go get your life back. Your life matters, share your story so somebody else can be inspired.
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