Nicole Scherzinger Opens Up About Overcoming Bulimia

By Victoria Kim 07/10/14

The Pussycat Dolls singer still has difficulty talking about her struggles.

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At the peak of the Pussycat Dolls’ international fame and success, singer Nicole Scherzinger was secretly struggling with bulimia. The former "X Factor" judge, now 36, recounted her battle with the eating disorder during that time in the August issue of Cosmopolitan UK

“It’s sad to see how I wasted my life, I had such a great life on the outside, the Dolls were on top of the world, but I was miserable on the inside,” she admitted. “I’m never letting that happen again. You only get one life. I was 27 only once.”

Scherzinger, who battled bulimia for eight years before finally getting help, admitted her eating disorder to the world in 2012. “It was such a horrible, paralyzing disease and it was such a dark time for me,” she told Cosmo. “I didn’t think anyone knew in my group or in my family because I hid it that well, I was so ashamed. I knew it wasn’t normal or healthy because I was hurting myself through this cycle of disordered eating. It was my drug, my addiction. It’s an endless vicious cycle.”

It was when she blacked out on tour that she realized it was time to seek help. “I had started losing my voice, I couldn’t sing at shows, and then I remember my manager finding me passed out on the floor in Malta or in the south of France. I thought, ‘I’m going to lose everything I love if I don’t love myself.’”

The singer said that despite her outgoing public persona, in reality she is a shy person. “I get past my shyness by making everything about others and not thinking about myself,” she said. “That’s what I did on The X Factor—I can be goofy and playful when it’s about the acts. They are like my babies. But when I’m off stage I’m not as big and animated…for me all my smiles and confidence are a triumph because it came from a broken place.”

Though discussing the eating disorder that claimed her twenties is admittedly still difficult for Scherzinger, she hoped her story will inspire others to fight and overcome their own demons. “[I] can empathize so much with people who have demons and voices in their heads, who aren’t nice to themselves,” she said. “It robs you of living your life. But you can recover and you can get rid of it forever. I did it and that’s why it’s so important for me to share my story. I felt so alone…but I made myself so alone. You hide it from the world, you isolate yourself. But you can beat it—do not give up because you’re so special and you’re meant for such great things.”

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Victoria is interested in anything that has to do with how mind-altering substances impact society. Find Victoria on LinkedIn or Tumblr