Cops Turn Drunk into Ex-Tractor Fan

If you were on the road in Pennsylvania last Thursday, thank your lucky stars you weren't mown down. Inebriated Ohioville resident Mark Grove was arrested after driving down the street in his lawn tractor while drunk. Police received a call reporting an "out of control male." They caught up with Grove, 44, driving his tractor along the middle of the road—in an attempt to avoid suspicion, he had filled his coffee mug full of beer and balanced it on the dash. Experiencing a moment of clarity when he was approached by an officer, Grove declared: "I'm drunk. Just take me home." But the cops decided to arrest him instead. At that point Grove allegedly kicked one of the officers. And once he'd been bundled inside a police vehicle, he then headbutted the squad car partition. The malevolent mower has been charged with drunken driving and assaulting a police officer. Pennsylvanian grass is breathing a sigh of relief.