Comment Section in a Recovery Magazine—A Love Poem

By Dillon Murphy 12/21/14

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And that’s how I got better.

End of piece. End of piece is a pseudonym for a regular contributor to The Fix.







Thank you for that lovely article.


 Cool Dry Babe

PLEASE this is simply more program propaganda. EOP you have been brainwashed and I feel sorry for you. I’m more than just a little curious how you’re planning to go about making your “amends” to the dead. 


 Mister Clean

What is the point of this article? Clearly EOP is not in the right program of recovery. Man up, EOP! Things have gotta be black or white for you now! Give us some clarity please.  There is no grey area when it comes to working your program! 

 Cool Dry Babe Mister Clean

Hey Mister Clean! There are much smarter ways to get sober than being a member of a CULT!

 Mister Clean Cool Dry Babe

Cool Dry Babe some people need their brainwashed including YOU!



My Aunt didn’t work for four years now she works online from home and makes $10,000 a day. If you wanna see how go to zzz.jjjj,ccc!!!

 Lady Sobah Douchebag

I was enjoying this piece until I read the word that starts with a D and ends in a bag. Do a step 4 properly you horrible little man!


 Harry Dean Snortin’

When I played bass for The Nuge that one year I drank and drugged more than EOP has in his entire life. What the hell can you tell me about getting sober? Not a goddamn thing is what. Nobody in the double A or whatever the heck it is actually drank! It’s a bunch of insecure creeps looking to give each other a “spititual” work out. Funny how a program that started out for white middle-aged men has been co-opted by a bunch of omnisexual kids that had a bad year in college and wanna whine about it.

 Cool Dry Babe Harry Dean Snortin'

I think you mean “spiritual” Harry! I agree with you. It’s either filled with people that never actually drank or, don’t forget, SEXUAL PREDATORS!

 Unwelcome Guest Harry Dean Snortin'

Like the Catholic Church only they actually drink.

 Mister Clean Harry Dean Snortin'

Harry Dean, would you be my friend?


 Lady Sobah

I went to a live show once and spent the entire evening hallucinating thanks to an English Breakfast tea I was given by my old acquaintance Mr. Jenkins. He drank himself to death after being outed in the local shiny sheet as a “rice queen.” His Philippine boy lover is now my friend and gardener. Thank you to Dr. Bob and Bill W. I have been sober 47 years come January. Longer than the both of them ever were.


 Step Soldier

Grateful to Higher Power to leading me to this comment section and now guiding my fingers as I comment. Higher Power has no opinion on EOP’s article but is bothered by the comments. Higher Power is upset with the anti AA stuff and Higher Power wishes you all find Him. Higher Power wants me to tell you to look for Him in a sock drawer or in the case of the Cool Dry Babe, Higher Power wants you to know he’s been sending you some pics. Why haven’t you responded asks Higher Power? Don’t you find Higher Power handsome? Higher Power can shave his unibrow…

 Cool Dry Babe Step Soldier

I rest my case.



EOP talks about being “in the tombs” as if he actually was in prison. The “tombs” isn’t prison EOP. The “tombs” is where they take you before you go to prison. I should know, I’m a college professor and had a good friend that spent many years doing time at the rock. 


 Prison Guy

Prison, like Wyoming, is not for sissies. EOP I wish you the best of luck making your amends to the dead. They are all gonna still come back to haunt you. For as long as you live all those folks that you fucked over that have now passed, oh man. Just keep telling those ghosts it was your “disease” and maybe they’ll buy that shit and won’t start throwing plates at your babies. Maybe the demons will reconsider rearranging your furniture or maybe they won’t turn your TV on when you least expect it if you just tell them you had the drunk idiot flu! 


 Doctor Milquetoast

Thank you all for your very insightful and passionate comments! As a medical professional I felt the need to chime in here and give a few statistics. According to reports only 6% of people in recovery actually recover from recovery magazine comment sections. Although it is interesting to note that in a 1997 study done by Miami of Utah shows that 47% of recovering alcoholics like chocolate and an underwhelming 23% like to be looked at under fluorescent lights. Also interesting to ponder is that 83% of cocaine addicts really, really liked cocaine but came to the conclusion on their own that it made them an asshole. 77% of crack cocaine smokers were specifically targeted by the CIA in an act of “ghetto genocide” according to recent reports by the people that do the reports. Take a moment to note that 53% of crystal meth users are white and the other part of that percentage would have them as non-white. 82% of addicts have done or had the desire to do a play in high school and an astonishing 98% of people that tried marijuana are in prison out of the 100 convicts polled. Glad I could be of help. Keep up the good work!


 Scared Person

I write from a small village I am afraid and alone I cannot stop drinking and I want to die please someone help me find the gift of recovery help me find the gift of life

 ALL Scared Person

How can I help?

 Unwelcome Guest Scared Person

Stop drinking. Just stop.

 Doctor Milquetoast Scared Person

Feel free to email me Scared but the chances of getting through are 5%.



Doesn’t anyone want a fucking job????


Dillon Murphy is a pseudonym for a regular contributor to The Fix. He last wrote about the beauty and the horror of AA, as well as his experiences being addicted toand quitting—suboxone.

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