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Courtney Chronicles (Part 2)

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Love and War: Courtney's True Confessions Getty Images

By Maer Roshan

05/24/11

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(page 4)

You admit that Kurt was doing loads of heroin long before Lynn Hirschberg came onto the scene. Isn't it a little unfair to blame her for his death?

Maer, stop being such an asshole! Who do you think you are? Barbara Fucking Walters? Go read that article again! Do you know what it's like when someone sets out to do a hit piece on you? As a writer, wouldn’t it be your worst nightmare if you drove someone to suicide? I hope so. Because that’s what Lynn Hirschberg did to Kurt, all right? She humiliated and emasculated him. She sent him over the edge. She deserves most of the blame for his death. Do you really want to challenge me on that fact?

Not at this very moment, no. [Laughs.] But do you ever wonder about your own part in all this? Might you have been happier with your life and career if you hadn’t been so self-indulgent?



Not necessarily. I’ve been able to stop using when I’ve needed to. As I said, when I was a movie star, I didn’t do any drugs at all. But the fact is, men always get a much easier time about their problems than women do. Just look at Keith Richards. That guy has done more drugs in his life than I could ever imagine. But he gets celebrated as this cool survivor, while I’m branded as some shameless skank. 

Do you think there’s a connection between drug use and creativity? 



Definitely. Look at the most brilliant artists of the past two centuries. Proust. Tennessee Williams. Scott Fitzgerald. Jim Morrison. Kurt. They all were fucked up on something or other. It goes with the territory. Artists are more sensitive than other people. Maybe we need something to dull the pain. My world was turned upside down by a very bitter, very ugly woman named Lynn Hirschberg, who published a hatchet job about Kurt and me in Vanity Fair. She’s more responsible for my husband’s death than anyone.

You know, I’ve been through a lot of trauma, I’ve witnessed a lot of death. I’ve looked the devil in the eye. According to the London Times, I’ve had $900 million stolen from me. I’ve had my daughter metaphorically and literally kidnapped. My husband’s money is supporting a squad of corrupt lawyers who fucked me over. It hasn’t been easy. I can be eccentric, egotistic and temperamental. I can be a real bitch. But I also know that I'm a really good artist. So do you really expect me to be well-adjusted all the time? Look at all these little stars—Britney and Lindsay and all the others. Being famous is a dangerous profession these days.

Lady Gaga seems to be doing okay.

She may be doing fine at the moment, but I’m worried about her future. She’s very young, and she’s very talented, but she doesn’t seem to have any female friends. Or any straight guy friends for that matter. Instead, she surrounds herself with this coterie of gay stylists and advisors who’ve turned her into this weird, sexless Barbie doll. I was raised by gay guys myself, and I turned out all right in the end. But you know, you can only pull off this meat-dress act for so long. If she doesn’t watch out she’ll turn into a lonely drag queen. Straight guys just aren’t in to that kind of thing. 

According to the tabloids you recently flew from New York to London to detox in some luxury hotel. What were you there for?

I went there to get off of Adderall. And a few other prescription pills.



Are you completely clean now?



More or less. I believe in moderation, so I had a glass of rose a few weeks ago. The other night, someone offered me a bump of cocaine at an art gallery opening, and I did it. I felt completely like shit afterwards.

Why did you choose to detox at a hotel instead of a rehab?



Because I’m through with hospitals and rehabs! Detoxing with a doctor at a chic hotel in London is a much more pleasant experience than detoxing at a fucking hospital. In fact the whole thing turned out to be much cheaper than most rehabs I’ve attended. 

You know, a friend of mine just bought a fleet of charter yachts, and while he was giving me a tour one day, I came up with this genius idea. If I ever need to detox again, I’ll just rent out a yacht. You can get another addict, and for 40 grand a week you can both rent a boat with a crew of 10, and bring along 12 of your friends. Think about it: you cruise around the Caribbean, and whenever things get rough, you can dock at some exotic port. Of course, you’ll probably spend most of your time puking in your cabin, but there’s a doctor on board, and you’ll you have all the meds you need, and you’ll be surrounded by your friends.

It’s a brilliant idea, I think! If I ever have to detox again, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll get together everyone I love, and rent out a boat, and we'll all escape into the ocean.

Maer Roshan is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of The Fix. Previously he was Deputy Editor of New York Magazine, Editorial Director of Talk, Features Editor of Interview, Founder of QW, and Founder and Editor-in-Chief  of Radar Magazine and Radaronline.com. (Those who crave more Visions of Love can check out our slide-show of her 20-year career.)

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