If Charlie Sheen has publicists to do damage control, he sure isn't using them. The winning-est actor responded to allegations of recent drug use with his ex-wife Brooke Mueller by sending a bizarre poem to TMZ. The lyrical riposte—with its characteristic lack of structure—not only fails to confirm or deny the allegations that he's using, but also betrays a failure to use a dictionary. (Meanwhile, Mueller is actually using her team to deny the drug reports, with her lawyer claiming that she's in rehab "to be monitored" and not as a result of falling off the wagon.) Without hazarding any advice over its interpretation, The Fix presents Untitled, by Charlie Sheen:

I can't speak to anyone's opinion or judgement.
I was there
they were not.
their tepid
hearsay is a baseless
static drone.
a mantra.
their theme.
I refuse to be held hostage by their 'constitutional'
privelidge,
to judge those
who can and who do.

nabobs.
CS