Woman Who Gouged Out Eyes In Meth-Fueled Episode Tells Her Story

By Victoria Kim 03/14/18

“It took losing my sight to get me back on the right path, but from the bottom of my heart, I’m so glad I’m here.”

Kaylee Muthart
Kaylee Muthart Photo via YouTube

The South Carolina woman who lost both of her eyes while high on methamphetamine gave her side of the story in a recent essay in Cosmopolitan.

On February 6, Kaylee Muthart, 20, was found near a church, kneeling and screaming after clawing out her own eyeballs.

Muthart, once a straight-A student and a member of the National Honor Society, is now recovering and saving up for a seeing-eye dog.

Kaylee’s story is shocking, but didn’t happen overnight. At age 17, in the middle of her junior year, she decided to take time off from high school because her grades were slipping. 

At age 18, she began drinking and “smoking pot often.” Her family history made her more cautious about losing control. “I suspected I was prone to addiction, since it ran in my family, so I actively avoided what I considered more serious drugs,” she said in Cosmo.

At 19, she caught a “strange high” while smoking cannabis which she suspected was laced with “either cocaine or meth.” It made her feel like she was on top of the world. “I’d long been a religious Christian; the high made me feel particularly close to God,” she said.

Kaylee quit her job to distance herself from the acquaintance who provided the laced weed. At this point she began taking Xanax recreationally.

After a bad breakup with her boyfriend of two years, Kaylee was in a dark place, with little support. “I was lonely and unhappy,” she said. “I remembered the way I felt on the laced weed and sought that kind of peace again.”

Last August, she decided to smoke meth for the first time. “I stayed up for nearly three days and experienced hallucinations I wasn’t expecting.” The experience turned her off, after seeing a video she had recorded of herself high. Still in need of relief, she began taking ecstasy “once or twice a day on most days until the end of November.”

This would lead to a religious “awakening” that would end in tragedy. “While on ecstasy, I studied the Bible. I misinterpreted a lot of it. I convinced myself that meth would bring me even closer to God.”

From Thanksgiving on, to cope with her loneliness, Kaylee would progress from smoking to snorting meth, then shooting it up. 

Unable to stop using on her own, on Feb. 4, Kaylee’s mother got her to agree to go to rehab. But the next day, she bought meth and shot up “a larger dose than I’d ever used before.”

“On the morning of Tuesday, February 6, I was still high,” Kaylee said, recalling the day she lost her sight. She pieced together the meth-induced hallucinations that led her to the church that day. “I remember thinking that someone had to sacrifice something important to right the world, and that person was me. I thought everything would end abruptly, and everyone would die, if I didn’t tear out my eyes immediately.”

She was convinced that she had been chosen to make that sacrifice. “I later realized this wasn’t a personal religious calling—it was something anyone on drugs could have experienced,” she said.

She then recalled, minute by minute, the moment she plucked out her eyeballs. Bystanders came running to her aid, including a pastor at the church. She had to be restrained by seven or eight men, and sedated with ketamine, before she was airlifted to Greenville Memorial Hospital.

After a week of healing in the hospital, Kaylee was transferred to a psychiatric in-patient treatment facility, where she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She said that through therapy, she is learning to “start accepting my new reality.”

Despite her shortcomings, Kaylee seems happier than ever, and has a lot of plans lined up, including continuing her pursuit of a career in marine biology, raising money for a seeing-eye dog, joining a new church, and going to 90 Narcotics Anonymous meetings in 90 days.

“Of course there are times when I get really upset about my situation, particularly on nights when I can’t fall asleep. But truthfully, I’m happier now than I was before all this happened. I’d rather be blind than dependent on drugs,” she said.

“It took losing my sight to get me back on the right path, but from the bottom of my heart, I’m so glad I’m here.”

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Victoria is interested in anything that has to do with how mind-altering substances impact society. Find Victoria on LinkedIn or Tumblr