Where to Look For (Sober) Love - Page 2

By Sam Lansky 12/17/11
When bars are out of the question and parties can be triggers, how are people in recovery supposed to find dates?
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Slap on a name tag and prepare to mingle Photo via

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Just Say Yes

When I was newly sober and living in Southern California and working as an underpaid retail slave, a girl approached me on the sales floor one afternoon. “See my friend Jamie over there?” she asked, pointing to a nondescript guy across the room that was pretending to examine a scarf. “He’s here on a business trip, and he thinks you’re really cute.” He wasn’t my type (which was probably a blessing, since “my type” was emotionally abusive felons in their 40s with personality disorders and violent ex-wives), but I thought, What the hell. He took me out to dinner that night and we spent the weekend together. Though I never saw him again, I realized that going out with people, even if I don’t think there’s relationship potential there, can be beneficial: getting comfortable engaging in sober conversation is like a low-stakes dress rehearsal for the times when I really do like someone.

The truth is, it’s liberating to be in control after losing so much time in the fog of inebriation. Whether I meet a guy at a bookstore, a triathlon, or on a dating site, at least I know that if I wake up in his bed the next morning, I’ll remember how I got there. 

Sam Lansky is an editor at Wetpaint and a regular contributor to The Fix who also wrote about his sobriety in relation to Britney Spears and dating in sobriety, among many other topics. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/samlansky

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