SNL’s Pete Davidson Offers Hilarious Details About Recent Rehab Stint

By Keri Blakinger 05/15/17

“I went to rehab and here’s some advice: Never pick the rehab you wanna go to while you’re high.”

Pete Davidson
Photo via YouTube

Ex-stoner Pete Davidson took to the airwaves on Saturday Night Live to poke fun at his $40,000 rehab experience that came complete with horse therapy, or healing through “horsiness.” 

The 23-year-old comic made headlines earlier this year when he came out about his recent rehab trip and newfound sobriety. But since attracting attention with a now-deleted Instagram post in March, Davidson’s stayed mostly silent about the abrupt change from his pot-smoking ways – until now.

“They say quitting drugs is hard and that is true but what they don’t tell you is how boring it is,” he told Weekend Update co-host Colin Jost. 

“Whoever said there aren’t enough hours in the day was a liar. There are SO many hours in the day – 24 to be exact. Did you guys know that? Did you know there were 24 hours in a day? ‘Cause I thought there were only six.”

When asked what he’s been doing with all his time off, Davidson quipped: “I’ve been masturbating.”

After eight years of drug use, Davidson explained, he needed to clean out his system.

“I’ve gotta masturbate all the bad kids out, Colin, there’s a bunch of dummies in there,” he said. “If I had a kid right now it would come out with a snapback and a neck tattoo.”

Toward the end of his many years of drug use, Davidson openly identified as a long-time pot smoker in a High Times interview where he explained that marijuana was an important part of his strategy for managing his Crohn’s disease. 

"I found that the medicines that the doctors were prescribing me, and seeing all these doctors and trying new things, weed would be the only thing that would help me eat," he said at the time. 

"My stomach would be in pain all day and I wouldn't be able to eat, but then I'd smoke and I can eat and do my shows. I wouldn't be able to do SNL if I didn't smoke weed. I wouldn't be able to do anything really. Me performing not high has gone awful. It's awful for me because I don't feel well."

But Saturday night’s skit was lit – even though Davidson wasn’t blazed. 

“I went to rehab and here’s some advice,” he told the audience. “Never pick the rehab you wanna go to while you’re high.”

Although the Staten Island native never dished on where he went to rehab, he did say that he selected the spot because it offered horse therapy.

“I think it’s like when you pet horses and you look at them and like heal through their horsiness,” he joked.

“You pet them and look them in the eye and you’re like, ‘You’re trapped. I’m trapped. We’ll get through this.’”

Unfortunately, the horsiness was even less pleasant than Davidson’s unenthusiastic first description.

“The first day I got to rehab guess who’s allergic to horses?” he said.

But allergies aside, the youngest SNL cast member warned against equine therapy programs for a different reason: $$$.

“It’ll cost you $40,000,” he said. “You could have sex with a person for like 50 bucks. I shoulda banged that horse.”

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Keri Blakinger is a former drug user and current reporter living in Texas. She covers breaking news for the Houston Chronicle and previously worked for the New York Daily News and the Ithaca Times. She has written about drugs and criminal justice for the Washington Post, Salon, Quartz and more. She loves dogs and is not impressed by rodeo food. Find Keri on LinkedIn and Twitter.