Three Years: Recovery in Three Parts... Part Three
Three Years: Part Three
When I first got sober, I was angry at almost everything. What was the point?! It was boring, being angry, but I wasn’t angry… I was lost. I was a lost little kid in a supermarket looking for his mother or father, those emotions that come back tenfold really do hit you. They hit you hard! But it is not a ‘rude’ awakening, it’s a rebirth. You have given yourself another shot at life. Just… do it right this time. So, I am doing so, to the best of my capabilities. I always wanted to write, always. So, I am. I may not be published, have an audience, making money but I have a platform and an outlet. That is what counts. To me it does because, you never know. Right?
All the things you do in recovery, the steps… it all comes back on you like you’ve done a 180 on yourself but that 180? That’s you coming back on yourself and becoming the better you, the new you. Your path now dictates your future, you have the power to make sure people see you for who and what you are. Not what you were! Be proud. Be loud! Be seen, do what it is you want to do and more, unless you want to be a murderer, that’s never cool. Don’t do that. Want to write, draw, run, film, become a podcaster, carpenter, poet, Dj, Sound engineer, programmer, designer, own a café or even become a magician! Or just want to get on with life? DO IT! You’ve given yourself a new shot at life and kudos to you. That pain of withdrawal whether it was physical, mental or both… it wasn’t for nothing. It was your rebirth. It has taken me three years to truly see what I can make of myself. What I can try to make of myself to better my family, our future. This little ‘Three-Parter’ has been a major struggle for me because usually, I like to go off on tangents. Rambling all the live long day! But with the ‘Three-Year’ piece, I really wanted to get the point across that there are things in life that you do control. You are in control of whether you get clean or stay dirty and if you choose getting clean, what comes with it. But you cannot do both. You cannot chase your dream while also chasing the dragon because it becomes fucking messy. Perfect example, Johnny Thunders. Won’t go into detail but that guy was an amazing guitar player and a fantastic writer. But… He did a reverse Keith Richards, got strung out before he was what he could have been.
So, now you are clean you can chase your dreams. Or. Just live a nice, healthy ‘normal’ life. Eat, Sleep, Work… repeat. It is up to you. But me? I know that addicts don’t do ‘normal’ we thrive on chaos, and the chase. So, I know if anyone is reading this they’re thinking “Normal? Fuck you, I’m going to….” Or, most probably “Man this guy sucks.” The second is most likely, but as I said, I’m doing what I want to do and have wanted to do I do not care if I am enjoyed, liked, disliked, discovered, offered money to write a book of ramblings (If I am offered, I do truly care!) what I want is for my family to be happy, myself to stay clean and embrace life. Grab it by the balls and go for it. Enjoy the small things. Stop to smell the roses.
So, now I am starting to do what I do best ‘Ramble’ which means my ‘Three Year: Three Part’ is over.
Stay Strong & Toodles!