At first our codependent, Susannah, was a victim. How was she to know that her new husband was a drug addict? How was she to know that she could not fix him? At first she was concerned, but after while she got used to being codependent. It became a way of life.
Sometimes Susannah thinks about getting help, but by now she has become addicted to her role as a codependent. So she keeps doing the same thing over and over hoping this will all be over soon. Nothing changes except she gets depressed. She starts to feel powerless. She finally asks for help but she is still confused. Is she abandoning her husband? Is she being a bad wife? "Everything is not that bad," she thinks.
At this point, Susannah is stuck. But eventually she gets really tired of the neglect and abuse. She starts to feel like a single parent. She starts to realize that she doesn't need this extra burden. It meant getting a job. It meant giving up her role as a martyr. These were all concerns to her.
Then, one day, what she now calls a magic moment, Susannah is ready to ask for help and to actually do something different. So she comes to Love Addicts Anonymous. She reads and listens. She makes a list of the changes that must be made regarding how she thinks and acts. She is read to grow and blossom. She's finally free from her codependency and her addiction. This is recovery. It is a lifetime journey. But it's worth all the hard work. At least that's how she feels about it.