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Sobriety: It's Worth It But It IS a Roller Coaster
Trust me I wouldn't trade the wisdom and self-esteem of my 28+ years of sobriety for a drink or drug 'for today' no matter how tempting it still may be. (you know it's kind of implied that you must say 'for today' so you don't jinx yourself) However, if I hadn't known about acceptance and sayings like, 'things are happening FOR me, not TO me'...I might not have made it this far.
Of course, OF COURSE, without AA and other fellowships and therapy I wouldn't be here either and my newest epiphany re: miracles is that if 2 people, Bill W. and Dr. Bob didn't start this fellowship a ton of us wouldn't be here or sober today either, no way no how.
That being said, I am very grateful that I have made it through yet another fucking growth experience, (AFGE) and would not have without 'my tribe' which consists of not only AA and Alanon people but one of my sisters, a new therapist and my 'bridge back to life' people as well.
The truly 'cool' thing about long term sobriety for me is, I never know who the messengers will be. Oftentimes they are in meetings. When all hope is gone, I will hear someone that says something that flips the "I don't want to be here anymore" switch, and other times it's from people in places I would never had expected.
The best medicine for me has always been HUMOR, in and out of the rooms. As a writer and performer, comedy has saved me a gazillion times when in the darkest of places, seeing the absurdity of it all, laughing my ass off at times with others of 'like' demented minds helping me forget how dire my situation at that moment seems (and sometimes was).
So I've decided in this blog NOT to go into the gory details of situations that were horrifyingly painful and instead mention some things that have made me giddily happy and even hopeful as they take away the seriousness that recovery often requires in order to stay sober and dare I say sane.
I do a talk show, I write plays, and work on other creative endeavors and with those 'my people' I forget that I nary have a care in the world. THAT has saved me often since, believe it or not when I was in 4th grade, I started writing and performing parodies in class rewriting such shows as The Dating Game, The Newlywed and The Family Game. I know, it seems impossible, but I did it casting the boy I had a crush on in the leads and me as his, first girlfriend, then spouse, then the mother of his children. My fourth grade teacher Mr. Hamlin told my mother he thought I thought about sex a lot... I wonder whatever gave him that idea? Regardless, it took my mind off the insanity of my family life and that's where my creative solution side began.
Now, like I said, I have a myriad of creative projects that I'm luckily working on at any given time and I did belong to a sober bowling league, and a sober softball league which lead to a sober poker game (gambling I know, but I was told by my recovery therapist that I seem to be able to budget and play 'safely' and I'm a decent player so my wins and losses seem to balance themselves out).
All of these activities involve a lot of social interaction and THAT is mostly what I crave. They all have provided me with people that make me laugh and I them and I have found that that is what keeps me feeling vibrantly alive.
I recently read something about we all need to belong to a tribe. I think I have a few tribes, AA, of course, improv comedy did it for me for a while and what I find amazing is all these other activities as well.
I guess I'm writing this today to just tell those that don't know, how important and fun hobbies can be. This seems to be the other piece for me to feel like I have a raison d'etre, as I stay sober, continue to work on cultivating an actual career in show biz and add to the mix a substantial and appropriate 'guy'.
As they say, I'm just keepin' it real as more will be revealed.
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