Perfectly wrong love, or is it actually love that is perfectly right.

By aemerson0179 08/12/19
FB_IMG_1498189112821.jpg

Shawn Mendes's song "Perfectly Wrong" describes a relationship where they are perfectly wrong for each other, yet he can't let go. They say throughout our lives that we will love 3 different people, for 3 specific reasons. Unless you're one of the few who stumbles upon your forever love on the first try. 

Our first love happens when we are young, for most its around high school. It is the idealistic love, the fairytale type love we read about as children. We enter into our first love with the belief that this will be our only love and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right, or if we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal truths to make it work because deep down we believe that this is what love is supposed to be like. It doesn't matter how we actually feel, it's more important how others view us when in this love.

Our second love is supposed to be the hard love, the love that teaches us lessons and shows us who we are while telling us how much we need and want to be loved. This is the love that hurts, whether through pain, lies or manipulation.

The choices we make with our second love, we think are different than our first, but in reality we are still making choices out of the need to learn lessons—but we hang on. Our second love can become a painful cycle, oftentimes one we keep repeating because we think that somehow the ending will be different than before. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends worse than before. 

We know in our minds that it's toxic, very unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even. And with a narcissist can come emotional, verbal and physical abuse along with alot of sly manipulation—causing more drama then you can shake a spoon at. But this abuse and drama is  exactly what keeps us addicted to this storyline, because it’s the emotional roller coaster of extreme highs and lows, and like a junkie trying to get a fix, we stick through the lows with the expectation of the high. Yet at the end of the day nothing seems to ever change.

This is the love we want to be right. We want to make it right so bad that trying to make it right becomes more important then if it should work or not. 

Our last love, save the best for last they say, is the love that's supposed to last forever. It's the unexpected love that comes out of nowhere but everything just fits so right. There arent any expectations, we dont have to try and change into someone who we are not just to make this love work. We get to be ourselves. 

There is no way of knowing if you will get to experience all 3 loves in your lifetime. Maybe you just weren't ready to experience all 3, as the reality is we need to truly learn what love isn't before we can truly know what it is. Maybe it takes you an entire lifetime to learn the lessons that come with love especially your second. Leaving you to never experience the third.  

Perhaps it’s not at all about whether or not if we are ever ready for love, but instead if love is ready for us. Something that does matter whether it's your first love or third, and that's does the other person love you the same as you love them. When you have two people who love each other the same, the number of that love doesn't matter. 

I look at the loves I have experienced through out my life and ask myself if it's possible to have your second love be your third. Is it possible to turn that hard love, the one filled with manipulation, abuse and lies, into the love that lasts forever? 

True love, they say is supposed to withstand the test of time. I guess that falls back on whether or not the 2 people love one another the same. The second love they say has narcissistic traits, could stem from one side or both. But they say narcissistic people aren't capable of love, most of them don't even love themselves therefore how can they love someone else.

With that being said one would think that would answer the question as to whether or not your second love can be your third. The answer would be no, because of the Narcissist being unable to truly love another person. However I tend to want to disagree with that. My second love, had the narcissistic traits, he was a Narcissist to a perfect T. The manipulation sucked me back in every time, but not only was he a Narcissist he was an addict. We all know that relationships don't last when drugs are involved. But what happens when the 2 truly love each other and just can't let go despite the fighting and manipulation. They fight to save a love that's already set up to be the hard love, now it's the love  that's fighting against addiction. 

At the end of the day the heart wants what the heart wants. And when the heart wants what the heart wants, it won't let go, it won't give up when the situations get tough. The heart is meant to love with everything it has. If your heart can still love love number 2 after being broken, even though it may be perfectly wrong for you, what if by being perfectly wrong, it was actually perfectly right???

 

 

****************
Join the conversation, become a Fix blogger. Share your experience, strength, and hope, or sound off on the issues affecting the addiction/recovery community. Create your account and start writing: https://www.thefix.com/add-community-content.