To The Nice Guys I Hurt While I Was Drinking

By kristinfehrman 09/05/19
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To The Nice Guys I Hurt While I Was Drinking,

No open letter could make up for how I behaved, nor have I forgotten the things I have done. Yes, many of those times I was in a blackout, but it is no excuse for what I may have said or for how I may have made you feel.

From age 18 to 33, I disregarded the feelings of others to keep myself safe- even when I didn’t have anything to fear.

I am sorry for lashing out, for my lack of trust, for my accusations, and for running away. I am sorry I didn’t give you a chance, and I am sorry for thinking you could be capable of doing terrible things.

I took my own insecurities out on you, and that was unfair.

It’s been quite a while since I have taken a drink, and even longer since I last felt like putting on my boxing gloves. As a sober person, I look back on the relationships that could have been something, but instead I turned my back and chose alcohol instead. I chose to be selfish, isolated, and defiant.

Although I can’t change the past, I have learned to love myself in the present. Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to open my heart to healthy love one day- love that isn’t afraid.

To the nice guys I hurt while I was drinking, I hope you know that I recognized my faults and am doing everything I can to make myself better.

I am finally happy, and I hope you have found happiness, too.

 

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