It is 11am on a Sunday Morning and I sit at our dining room table with my brother Nick and 6 of my closest friends. They are not sitting here for Brunch, Mimosas, and pleasantries, apparently the task at hand is to save my life....30 Minutes earlier I thought I had a glorious day of gambling, drugs and alcohol planned out, I just got fired from yet another Bartending job(bad luck,couldn’t be my fault right), so No work today---numb numb numb, no thoughts, get messed up, forget about Mom, forget about my ex-girlfriend, screw it screw it. Those were my thoughts when I woke up that morning and most mornings at the time. Just as I was about to get up and turn this wildly addict like thinking into reality, I heard a knock at my door---this was strange I thought, had I pre-ordered Cocaine the night before? That must be it, I said to myself, “I am such a good planner”. So I got up out of bed, or at least I attempted to, upon standing up, I immediately fell, no biggie, it was not unusual for my legs to cramp up the following morning after drinking a case of beer, 8 or 9 shots and snorting 3 grams of blow. From my precarious position on the floor, I look upwards towards my desk and see a plate, just the mere thought that there could be some coke left for breakfast sends endorphins rushing through my body. Suddenly, I can walk again, it’s a miracle!!! HELL yea, I’m in luck, 3 lines of cocaine are spread across the plate, smiling at me, waving at me, screaming at me, snort me snort me. I do, I snort, today is going to be a great day. Time to open the door and see my dealer, I am such a good planner. No problems walking anymore, I am high, I gallop towards the door like secretariat, my heart beats, fast fast fast! The door opens, I see my brother Nick, “Me and some of your friends would like to talk to you Luke.”
Nick takes me out to the living room, they are all there. Some of my favorite people in the world,I love these people, so much love for them. They are staring at me, we exchange uncomfortable glances. I take a seat, they stare. I make a joke to lighten the mood, they stare, no laughs. Apparently, my debauchery is no longer a laughing matter. Was it ever though? I always thought it was funny/cute, that people adored me when I was being a lunatic. I decide to shut-up, they begin talking.....I’m not really listening, but I can tell they are upset, not necessarily upset at me, maybe just worried. I look them all in the eye and nod in approval of what they are saying to me----I am not listening though, I never listen. Over and over I hear “we love you Luke”, “we want the best for you”, “you have so much potential”, I hear these words, I'm not LISTENING though. Tears seem to be on the verge of exploding from their eyeballs every time they look at me. I wonder if they know I'm high? I wonder where my ex is? If she told me to stop I would! Hadn’t she already told me to stop though? Did we have that talk? Damn, I can’t remember. Why isn’t she here, I want her back, I love her......
Focus Luke, Focus, these people are trying to help you. It has been 45 minutes of them talking, I want a drink, I want cocaine, it is always about what I want ya know!? My brother Nick is the last person to speak: “Luke I love you, , I have always looked up to you, I want my big brother back.” Hearing him say this breaks me, he starts to cry, I cry, it feels like the whole world is crying......Nick organized the intervention, a part of me is mad at him for this, but deep down I know he is doing it out of Love. Our Mom just passed away two years ago, I shouldn’t be putting him thru this, our family has been thru enough. I miss Mom so much, if Mom was still here, this meeting wouldn’t have even been necessary---I would be ok still. Why did she have to leave us so soon, why why why why???
My brother wants me to go to a treatment center----the thought terrifies me. I imagine rules, crazy people, more rules, 30 days of BS surrounded by a bunch of people who are weak minded and not nearly as strong as me. There is no way I am gonna let this happen. I speak, “Listen guys, I completely agree that my cocaine usage has gotten way out of control, I want to stop and I will stop, alcohol is not my issue, the cocaine leads to the alcohol....I don’t even really like to drink that much when I'm not jacked up.” I tell them that I'm gonna take 30 days away from any alcohol in order to insure I stop my drug use. On and on I blabber about how this is gonna be the best thing for me, I just spew one lie after another, telling them whatever I think they want to hear. Eventually “we” decide that I would not go to Rehab, I’d go to my step-dad Steves house for 30 days to clear my mind and detox my body. I am pleased with the decision and everyone seems to be relieved that I am cooperating.
Following the Intervention, we all stand in the driveway, everyone hugs me, I feel Love, it feels nice to be loved, I wish I loved myself I remember thinking....Why don’t I, or better yet---how could I? There is an overwhelming sense in the air from all those intervening and trying to save my life, that the day has been a success, maybe Luke is salvageable! The events of the morning have taken a toll on me, I climb into the backseat of my brothers car and we start to drive to my family home where I will be rehabbing, he asks me if I'm ok, I tell him I'm hungry. When was the last time I ate I wonder, probably 3 or 4 days....We go to Taco Bell, I order aggressively, eat aggressively, I'm sure the scene is similar to watching me recklessly snort an 8 ball, I fall asleep on my familys couch. Sleep Sleeep, Sleeep, Sleeeeep----------I don’t know how long I slept, I do recall waking up with a half eaten soft taco on my chest, dried sour cream on my lips, and hot sauce stains on my shirt. In retrospect the mess that covered me upon waking wasn’t nearly half as bad as the sloppy splattering of a human being I had become on both the interior and exterior of myself. How did I get here, pathetically broke n jobless? Afterall, I didn’t even drink until College! Nevermind all that, 29 more days I told myself, then I can drink again, I need to find a bartending job again, I need to drink---29 more days.......How did I get here?