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Long Term Sobriety - What is Success ?
I am sober a long long long time and have changed a lot in spite of my reluctance even though I would have told you emphatically otherwise. I heard early on 'change or die' and in my newly found sobriety and utter desperation for any kind of serenity and escape from the voices which told me what a piece of shit I was daily, said 'ok I'll do anything' you say and sort of did.
However, I had no idea how tough it would be and how many meetings in AA and Alanon and years of therapy it would take to actually change to a way of being where I not only liked myself at all, but was able to 'take care of myself' aka boundaries, and have the ability to know what I wanted in life and what I didn't.
What am I getting to ? The fact that as a creative person in recovery, I have had to come to the realization that I am not where I'd like to be in my career. Many would say I am a success having survived a family ravaged with mental illness and narcissism and of course my multi-addicted self, but along the way I had sabotaged a good deal of opportunities that would have raised me out of the day job I still find myself in and living what I would consider the 'creative' life of Reilly.
I'm in my 50's, but look younger because in my generation, chosen career and society it still matters, and am still seeking a certain success as a writer and performer I've managed to dodge and could not have handled until now.
So I ask myself, is it still possible ? Can I be recognized for my mad creative skills and ability to entertain as a woman at this age and be compensated accordingly ? I've heard and been told in recovery meetings over and over for the past 28+ years that with God / HP anything is possible, I mean I should be dead like many of us, so why not ?
The other question is, could I be happy if I continue what I'm doing and am not elevated past this 'success level' for the rest of my days on Earth?
The challenge for me is to just keep doing what I'm doing (chop wood carry water), and turn it all over to God / my Higher Power on a daily basis as it were.
Things are happening and if nothing else I've learned to trust myself more, go where I'm welcomed, and let go of things and people that do not work for me.
This is a good recipe in general for success as a recovering addict and human being and basically it's all I've got so maybe I've answered that question until more is revealed.
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