Letting Go

By Tessla22 01/22/18

Addiction has controlled my life for five years. Today I have 30 days clean, and got out of inpatient rehab 15 days ago. That was the first time I attended rehab, and I wish I did it four and a half years ago when I started to abuse opiates daily. I started writing poems and songs in there to share me experiences, and wanted to share it with the readers of The Fix.

I used to laugh and judge a sinner,
now it seems I use drugs for breakfast lunch and dinner.
said I would never touch hard drugs,
but here I am on a corner waiting for a bunch of thugs.
Lost everything that I truly cared about ,
waking up everyday living my life in doubt .
I want things to go back to normal,
this life is truly and morally awful.
Wake up sick and have to chase this high,
while the world is passing me by.
lost any friend that actually cared,
even had my life spared.
don't wish this life on my worst enemy,
mom waiting for that knock from the sheriff deputy.
this dope has turned the country upside down,
it doesn't discriminate against any colored town.
people dying left and right,
from black to brown to white.
I can't take living this lie,
sometimes I just wanna die.
I know I'm better and can fix this,
but the high is too much of a bliss.
god please come down guide me through the light.
I want leave this all behind and take flight.
had to manipulate and steal for drug money,
no conscience left for it to even be funny.
lieng and deceiving family and friends,
while your plug pulls up in that brand new benz.
I can't keep sitting on the corner waitin for this dealer,
I need to find some sort of healer.
27 years old and lost it all,
nodding out and no one to break my fall.
Today I finally let you go forever,
an from here on out my life will be much better.

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