Letters to Mom
Letters to Mom
Hey Mom, I’ve been back Sober for 6 days now. I feel like shit, both physically and mentally. I’m guessing you witnessed my most recent epic relapse----I cringe to think that you had to see it, I hoped that you might be not paying any attention. Perhaps you were only paying attention to Nick and Allison? After thinking about it though, I know this can’t be true because if you were watching out for your daughter she would never be as sick as she is right now! Are you really up there watching out for us or is it just something I tell myself when I need to feel better? If you’re watching us now, we need a miracle, please be with Allison, please. I apologize for the overall tone of this letter, and the anger directed towards you. We just all miss you so much.
Hey Mom, thank you for answering Nick, Steve, and my prayers. Allison is going to be okay as long as she never drinks again. My heart smiles seeing her sober, healthy, and happy. She lights up every room she is in, just like you always did.
I am back working at Rascals. Jessica and Margo told me I could come back and work for them if I stayed sober. Margo is also letting me use one of her cars. Mom, you would really like the Borgione family, they have taken me in as one of their own, we are Family. In fact, I often refer to Margo as Mom...I hope this does not bother you? She really is like a Mom to me----so wise, caring, and kind. At the risk of being dramatic, I think them reaching out to me has helped save my life.
Mom, there is a girl I like! She is rude and crude in a charming way, kind of like you. I like that she has a great sense of humor and gets my jokes—she is quite hilarious herself and makes me laugh. I promise to keep you posted.....Having feelings for any girl right now is terrifying and probably a bad idea. It is hard to make yourself not like someone you know!? Seriously Mom, she is a pretty special girl, you would adore her.
Mom!!!!! Guess What? Allison just hit 4 months sober yesterday, it is wonderful to have my sister back. I know you have been watching over us, sometimes I swear I hear your voice in my head. Even better than when I hear your voice is when I say something funny and I can hear your laugh, you say to me “good one Luke, good one”.
I’m now almost 5 months free of Alcohol and Drugs. I feel good, I'm happy, best of all I’m writing. Every day I write, all of my pain, my past, my hopes and my dreams come spilling out onto the page. It can be mentally/emotionally exhausting to write about some of the dark times, but once I do, it’s like a huge burden is lifted from me and I feel FREE!
You would be so proud of Nick. He is a manager at an accounting firm and just bought his first house. In fact, we had Thanksgiving and Christmas at his place, such a good time---lots of laughter! Despite all of his professional success, I feel like Nick is still searching for what truly makes him happy. I think he will find it. Over the years, nobody has been a bigger supporter of me than him----maybe I can start returning the favor.
Steve and I have grown closer over the years, not that we ever disliked each other, but I don’t think we were ever as close as we should be. He and I are pretty tight now, it is nice. Oh yea, I always forget to tell you about Kyle.....He is who Allison has been dating. At first, well actually for a long time I had doubts about them, but my feelings on that have changed. He was incredibly supportive while she was sick. Now that Ally-boo is sober I see the beauty of their relationship, they are good for each other, it’s cool to watch them grow together. Kyle is a good guy and I consider him one of my best friends. The three of us have a good thing going living together.
One last thing, I’ve started talking to God some or maybe I’m talking to the Universe? Not so sure where I stand on it all? I guess the important thing is that I believe in something bigger than myself, some kind of higher power. I think my new belief might just keep me sober this time. Mom, there is nothing I can’t accomplish when I am free of Alcohol and Drugs. Remember how you used to tell me all the time that I was destined for great things? Well, I believe you now!
P.S. I am writing a Memoir about my Journey getting Sober while tending Bar. I think it is going to sell a Million copies. The book and my Sobriety are dedicated to you Mom. I LOVE YOU !!!