Letter to my [former] AA sponsor
hello it's me. It’s me still sober even though it’s been sober a couple of years. I thought I'd contact you to see if we can talk about how it was before and how it went wrong. Remember years ago when you first became my sponsor, I thought you knew everything. you were in the double digits of recovery. It felt like you knew everything about the twelve steps and could quote them back to back. you wanted to hear my war stories about my alcoholism and hear my fourth step and then it changed.
Most of your “girls” came to you straight out of rehab with little or no idea what they were going to do next. So, they were ripe for your big mama routine. You could cluck over them, kiss their hurts, tell them what to do and how to do it while giving yourself a pat on the back of superiority. But I was different. I had an administrative job, I had both a bachelor and a master’s degree before I got sober. You downplayed my importance at my job but you randomly refer any woman that was involved with my agency to me when they were in trouble despite the fact that I said I could lose my job.
I was comfortable talking to groups because I had to do it at my job. Your response was to compare our salaries, and to chastise me for being too open in my “shares” at meetings. I didn't want to cook for a group anniversary or play cards so you tried to guilt me into it. I was warned about your jealousy and control issues.
You were not there for me when that man tried to thirteen step me. I had to figure it out on my own. You also gave me no warning when one of the local crazy romancers with 10 years sobriety wanted to take me out, yours was the only voice that didn’t warn me. While you warned me away from all the other men.
I realized that I was starting to avoid your meetings and finding excuses not to call you when I needed a sponsor and that was dangerous for me. I let go of you first. I think that you needed to be needed and that you were doing me so much “good,” you could not imagine that I would end our relationship. but after eleven years of being corrected, chastised and fussed at and so many thoughtless comments. I could not imagine that you would continue to monitor my meeting attendance, and my life. I’m sorry for you.
I'm better now. With a new sponsor I'm not in a relationship because I’ve learned have a lot of work to do on me. I've learned that my sponsees are not my possessions or my children, but they are a gift from God to help me in my recovery as I help them in theirs. I am proud of them outgrowing me and actually encourage them to find a new sponsor if they feel that they gotten as much as I can give. After all I have my own life to live. All of us have to grow up sometime.
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