I Know What It Feels Like

By eddietix 05/21/20
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I know what it feels like…

I know what it feels like to be terrified that I will not be able to drink again.

I know what it feels like to be arrested as a direct result of my drinking.

I know what it feels like to be in jail as a direct result of my drinking.

I know what it feels like to see the look of worry in my parent’s eyes as a result of being worried about whether I am alive or not because of my drinking.

I know what it feels like to think that there is no way I can stop drinking because it is my personality and I will never be able to have fun again.

I know what it feels like to think that “I am not THAT bad”

I know what it feels like to be truly disgusted with myself that I cannot stop drinking.

I know what it feels like to avoid people that think that I have a drinking problem because I know the truth and I am not ready to deal with it.

I know what it feels like to watch my kids beg me to stay home and play with them instead of going out drinking.

I know what it feels like to work extra hard the entire morning and do chores around the house just so you can have a free afternoon (and night) of drinking.

I know what it feels like to embarrass my children because I was drunk at a kid’s event.

I know what it feels like to have a wife have enough of my drinking and want a divorce.

I know what it feels like to only be able see your kids once a week and every other weekend because of my drinking.

I know what it feels like to be escorted out of a job that I loved when I was drunk.

I know what it feels like to be in many car accidents when I was drunk.

I know what it feels like to despise watching my parents drink and watch how they changed personalities.

I know what it feels like to lay awake in the morning trying to piece together the night and praying you didn’t say or do anything so stupid that you will get in major trouble.

I know what it feels like to talk shit about other people with drinking problems in order to protect myself and deflect.
I know what it feels like to have this indescribable feeling of despair that came over me when I realized I was an alcoholic and that every time I tried to do something about it, I failed.

I know what it feels like….

There is hope.

I know what it feels like to be sober.

 

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