How to Fix Sexual Problems in a Relationship
Physical intimacy should be fun, so why is it so difficult in your relationship? If you’re seeking sex advice on how to spice up your sex life or fix a particular problem between the sheets, you aren’t alone.
While it's estimated that nearly 100% of men orgasm routinely through intercourse, most women simply do not. One study found that only 18% of women are able to climax from penetration alone. This is just one of the many common problems with physical intimacy that plague couples. Others include boredom in the bedroom, low sex drive, disagreements about sexual regularity, and sheer exhaustion.
It may seem daunting to tackle any sexual dysfunctions in your relationship, but the results are well worth a few awkward or embarrassing conversations. Here are 6 common sexual problems and the sex advice that can fix them.
1. Too Exhausted for Sex
When you work 50 hours a week or take care of rambunctious children all day long, it can take the "Oomph" out of the bedroom. Exhaustion or a general sense of fatigue is a common culprit for robbing bedrooms, and couples, of a sex drive.
There are many reasons for being too exhausted for sex. You may be suffering from health problems, aren't getting enough sleep, or are dealing with intense stress and anxiety in other areas of your life. This can be frustrating for both partners.
How to fix it: If you are too exhausted for sex there are a few solutions you can take advantage of. First, start going to bed earlier. This will ensure you get enough sleep. Second, create a schedule and stick to it. That means when you are home from work, leave work at the door.
The less time you spend on your computer or cellphone dealing with work issues while you're at home for the evening, the less stress you will deal with. Another added bonus? You'll have more time to devote to your loving spouse and your romantic pursuits.
2. Boredom in the Bedroom
When you have been married for some time your sex life can seem mundane or perhaps even routine.
How to fix it: Bored in the bedroom? That's no excuse for giving up on your sex life. If you find that you're too sexually complacent with your spouse, mix it up!
Bring toys into your sexual activity, act out fantasies, roleplay, and tease and entice each other with dirty text messages throughout the day, or focus on different nights of pleasure. For example, perhaps Saturday is all about foreplay, Sunday is all about the art of kissing, Wednesday is about trying something new and exciting.
The more you break out of your routine, the more excited you will be about being intimate with your partner.
3. Unable to Achieve Orgasm
One large problem with physical intimacy( https://www.marriage.com/advice/physical-intimacy/ ) comes when one person, generally the female, cannot achieve orgasm during sex. This lack of orgasm can make her feel embarrassed and frustrated by getting intimate.
How to fix it: If you are having trouble climaxing, be honest about it with your partner and whatever you do, don't 'fake it' just to make your spouse feel better. They won't learn how to truly please you if you mislead them. They’ll just keep making the same mistakes.
First things first, get to know your body. Many women require clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, so don’t be afraid of adding toys or other direct stimulants into the mix. Engage in foreplay. Take your time and don’t be afraid to instruct your partner. If your spouse cares for you, they’ll be excited to help you climax, not irritated by it.
4. Inability to Compromise
Just because you're in the same relationship doesn't mean that you have the same sex drive or desire for sexual frequency. This, and the inability to compromise for the other one’s needs can lead to problems in the relationship, especially when one or both spouse lacks understanding for the other's position.
How to fix it: Not every couple is going to desire the same sexual frequency. In order for these differing sex drives to work, you need to work together.
For example, if your wife is too exhausted to have sex at night you could offer to have sex in the mornings before you're both too tired. Alternatively, you could offer to help her around the house or with the children so that she is not so exhausted by bedtime.
If your husband desires sex all of the time and you do not, you could give him stimulating massages or could participate in helping him achieve orgasm without engaging in intercourse. Compromise is key.
5. No Stimulation
One problem with physical intimacy? Some partners simply aren't being stimulated the way they need in order to get excited about sex. Mental arousal is just as important as physical arousal, if not more so.
How to fix it: Many couples get so excited about jumping into bed that they go from 0 to 60 in two seconds flat. This leaves little time for a mental buildup that makes sex so exciting. In order to have great sex, you need to create some stimulation.
6. Erectile Dysfunction
This is a common issue that commonly makes men feel embarrassed, and their partner's feel unattractive or undesirable to their partners. Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a man's inability to achieve or keep an erection.
How to fix it: If you are suffering from ED, you should see your physician immediately. They will be able to come up with a solution to your problem.
Stress is a common factor in ED. If you are overly anxious or under stress, it is best to get this dealt with through therapy or at home stress relieving exercises.
Diabetes and atherosclerosis can also have an effect on a man's ability to become erect, as they block the blood flow to the penis that is required for an erection. You can also take a stimulant, prescribed by your doctor, to force an erection.
It is normal for every couple to go through peaks and valleys throughout their sex life, but remember that sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable, not stressful. Change up your routines and communicate about your intimate wants and needs and you’ll be on your way to making fireworks in the bedroom once more.
Join the conversation, become a Fix blogger. Share your experience, strength, and hope, or sound off on the issues affecting the addiction/recovery community. Create your account and start writing: https://www.thefix.com/add-community-content.