Boundaries Are Awesome!

By jbwritergirl 12/18/17

Are you one of those people who is constantly saying yes when you really want to say NO? Are you growing tired of feeling taken advantage of? Are you filling your brain with resentment towards someone or something but you’re unwilling to do anything about it? Do you constantly feel loathing towards yourself when you keep putting yourself in an uncomfortable position that you know you don’t have to be in but still find yourself in because you didn’t want to disappoint someone?

Well, listen up! You don’t have to keep doing that. It’s time to put on your big girl/boy pants and grow some balls!

Setting boundaries is not about losing things, okay! Seriously! Boundaries are about keeping precious space around you that keeps you from harm at the hands of others. It’s like building a fence around your property to keep strangers, predators, and emotional or physical attacks at bay. It’s why we have locks on our doors. Makes a little more sense when put that way, right? I’m sure none of you have a problem with that. Well then, doesn’t it make sense to protect your brain, your spirit, your soul, and your heart in the same way? Just think about that for a minute. Let it sink in! Aren’t you worth putting up some kind of protective barrier between you and things that hurt you when it comes to your emotional stability?

If something or someone continuously brings harm to you, you have the right to set boundaries, and set them you bloody well should! If you don’t, you’ll find battling those shit storms every day is fruitless, exhausting, and pointless because, when there are no consequences for those doing the damage, nothing changes. All that battling reduces or eliminates your energy to focus on anything else. All it takes on your part to change what’s going on, is the courage to lay that first brick, dig that first post hole, string that first wire around the perimeter.

Stop being afraid to protect yourself!

No one can do this for you! You have to value your life and wellbeing enough to not be afraid to burn some bridges because, the fact is, some bridges never need to be crossed again.

You may hold back from boundary setting because you think it will hurt someones feelings. If that’s the case, you’re thinking about it all wrong. Why aren’t you considering your feelings, your frustration, your emotional struggles first? If you’re not putting you at number one, you devalue your own worth and that puts a big dent in your self-esteem! If you keep yourself in harms way, don’t you think it’s time to take another look at how you are the one holding onto the very thing that will never let you feel free or happy?

When you choose to stay in the game, allowing people to hurt or control you, you are lowering the bar and keeping yourself and your priorities at the lowest level possible! WTF? Why would you do that TO YOURSELF? If no one has taught you in the past, you need to teach yourself the art of saying no! No, you do not have to be a people pleaser (all the time)! No, you do not have to do anything that goes against the grain of your beliefs! No, you do not have to simply put up with shit in order to not rock the boat!

Maybe you’re just too tired. Maybe you’re lazy. Maybe you’re both. One thing I know for sure is that if you don’t change this behavior—nothing changes! You’re always going to feel like a ship going down.

Setting a boundary is a series of events that you bring together in order to formulate a plan that can help you build your protected space.

First, and probably the most important thing you have do is - YOU HAVE TO STOP PRETENDING YOU’RE OKAY! If something doesn’t feel okay to you, then something is not okay!

Secondly, you have to decide that you’re ready, that you’ve had enough, that you’re decidedly going to live and feel a different way!

Thirdly, you have to clarify who or what needs to be barred from your personal space.

Fourth, you have to commit to the decision you make no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Pushing through that discomfort will make you grow in ways you’ve never imagined. Oh, and guess what? You’ll feel lighter and happier when you can stop dragging around the people or things that keep dragging you down!

Fifth, you have to stick with your choice and keep your plan in motion. You’ll eventually get comfortable with your decision, so don’t back down. Many people will try to force your hand by making you feel bad about the boundary you’ve set, but don’t let them make you feel bad enough to blow it off. Those people are still learning that there is a consequence for their actions.

If you are not making yourself a priority, no one else will either. If you are still trying to control everyone, despite how it leaves you feeling when that control does not give you what you need, bam, you’ll continue to feel like crap, like the world is against you.

Batten down the hatch’s folks. Stand your ground. Make the best choices for yourself. Eventually, these people who are harming you will get it. They’ll see that their tactics can no longer can affect you the way they once did. It may take these people awhile, and they may keep trying to bully you into keeping them in your personal space, but don’t relent. Every bone in your body will applaud your efforts of self-preservation! Be good to yourself. Treat you like you treat your closest friends! Your life will improve grandly when you are true to yourself!

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