Being Single

By susanpeabody 12/13/19

“Naturally. How one hates to think of oneself alone. How one avoids it. It seems to imply rejection or unpopularity. . . We seem so frightened today of being alone that we never let it happen. When the noise stops there is no inner music to take its place. We must re-learn to be alone.” Ann Morrow Lindbergh in Women and Solitude.


For many young people today, being single is something to be avoided at all costs. They cling to the idea that being in an intimate relationship is more important than life itself. Being single almost terrifies them because they equate it with agonizing loneliness, rejection, and deprivation.


I believe it is time for young adults to have a change of attitude about being single. They should accept the fact that being without a partner is not a fate worse than death. It has its advantages and disadvantages, just like a relationship, and there are times in life when it is inevitable.


Having a positive attitude about being single accomplishes several things. First of all, it allows people be comfortable when there is no one "special" in their lives. Being alone is not painful for them; it is a time of cherished solitude.


Furthermore, by accepting their single status gracefully, people experience an inner confidence that actually goes a long way toward attracting the kind of emotionally stable people they might like to become involved with.


Being content to be single also allows people to be discriminating in their choice of a partner. They can afford to be choosey, because being in a relationship is a "want" not a "need.".


To become patient about finding a partner,  people must boost their in self-esteem. This, along with the serenity of spirituality, will reduce their dislike and fear of being alone and make it easier for them to adopt a positive attitude about not having a partner.


To many people, this means a change in attitude or values. This does not mean people have to be overjoyed about being single. I am talking about acceptance, not overwhelming enthusiasm. It is just important to consistently look at the bright side until this positive attitude is well entrenched in their psyche. This will then subdue the inner voice that wails, "You're nobody till somebody loves you."


It is also important to use this  time to pursue your calling. Everybody has a mission in life. Look for it. If your goal is to be a good wife, be a good friend. If your goal is raise children become a mentor. If you want a career, work toward that. For me it was writing. When I decided to give up my desperate pursuit of a partner I started writing. It increased my self-esteem. It made me happy. It changed my life.


Please note that I am not trying to establish a case for or against being single. It is just important for us to be comfortable with both situations. Then we can flow contentedly with life instead of frantically trying to control it.


Addendum . . .


I pursued love without caution until I was 32. Then got some help for my love addiction and was happily single for 16 years working on my career as a writer. Then,  I met someone who I adored and who adored me and she passed away a few years later. I was single again for four years and met my husband Frank. We were happy and compatible for 12 years. He recently passed away so I am single once again. I am comfortable as a single woman, partner, and widow. I enjoy each state of being in a different way. I am happy and secure. I wish this for you as well.






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