Five Finger Death Punch Singer Details Journey To Sobriety

By Kelly Burch 05/18/18

“I knew I was done during my detox. It took me seven and a half days just to detox. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t smoke a cigarette.”

Ivan Moody

When he was living with active alcoholism Ivan Moody, singer for the rock band Five Finger Death Punch, knew how he would die. 

“When I was drunk, I knew how my life was gonna end. I planned on it. I was not gonna wake up one day or go into seizure and die,” Moody said in a recent interview, according to Loudwire. “It’s just I was comfortable because I knew what was gonna happen.” 

Now that he is 90 days sober, there is a level of uncertainty about his future that he finds a bit unsettling, he said. 

“Now being sober, I don’t know how I’m gonna go and that’s a scary fucking thing. And I’ve met a lot of addicts that feel the same way.”

Moody’s alcoholism was so severe that it caused seizures. Earlier this year he woke up from one, surrounded by EMTs and his crying daughter. Even after that experience, making the decision to get help for his alcoholism was not easy, especially since this is his fifth time in recovery, according to The PRP

“I knew I was done during my detox. It took me seven and a half days just to detox. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t go to the bathroom by myself, I couldn’t smoke a cigarette,” he said. “I had a staff member actually sleep in the room with me for the first 38 hours just to make sure I didn’t go under. I blew a .36 when I went in, which anyone who knows anything knows means that was basically death. And I didn’t want to come out of it. I woke up the next day and I [was] pissed that I was still alive.”

However, eventually he was determined to change his life and avoid the fate that so many rockers have met. 

“I just don’t want my legacy to be [dying from substance abuse],” Moody said. “I listen to a Linkin Park song now and I can hear [Chester Bennington] crying for help. That’s the difference. Why did it take us so long to hear that? I want people to hear my lyrics or my melodies and say ‘that dude’s in pain.’ Or ‘that guy’s victorious over something—he overcame that substance.’ Just life in general, so I just want to give hope back.”

Moody said that this time his recovery will be different, because he is using medication-assisted treatment and is addressing the underlying cause of his addiction. 

“Any time that I had gotten out of recovery/rehabilitation before I didn’t do anything about it [his mental state.] I was like yeah I’ve been clean for 30 days, my body is great, my head’s in order—my spirit was fucked,” he said. “So this time I made sure I got on… Antabuse. I’ve never done any of that before. Anybody who knows anything about Antabuse, if I even use rubbing alcohol on my hands, I get deathly ill.”

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Kelly Burch writes about addiction and mental health issues, particularly as they affect families. Follow her on TwitterFacebook, and LinkedIn.