Drunk Florida Tourist Can’t Find Car Keys, Steals Forklift Instead

By Bryan Le 03/13/17

Drunk and unable to find his keys, a tourist with places to go stole a forklift instead.

Image: 
Mugshot of Florida forklift stealer.
He needed a lift, so he lifted a forklift. via Monroe County Sherrif’s Office/AP

Most people who find themselves drunk and unable to find their car keys would think to call a cab or a friend for a ride, but 44-year-old Edward Quinton took a more creative route, opting to steal a forklift from a Florida Keys marina instead.

Authorities received the call around 9:00 PM. A witness in the Florida Keys reported seeing a white male, dressed in blue shorts and flip flops, breaking out of a marina gate on a forklift. Responding officers caught up to the forklift and detained Quinton less than half a mile away from the marina.

Quinton, who was visiting from Rhode Island, told deputies that he was in Florida to help some friends move. When the deputies inquired as to why he chose to steal a forklift, Quinton said he had lost his keys and simply needed something to drive, picking a forklift because he “knows how to drive one.” Officers also asked Quinton about the damage he caused to the marina’s gates, to which he replied that he could fix the gates because he is “a genius.”

According to Monroe County Sheriff’s Office spokeswoman Becky Herrin, the genius’ blood alcohol level was over two times the legal limit, which is 0.08. He was booked for DUI charges, criminal mischief, burglary and grand theft. There is no word on whether the forklift enjoyed its excursion away from the marina docks where it lifted heavy loads onto small boats.

While Florida is the butt of many jokes on account of the strange crime reports that originate from there—see Florida Man on Twitter or the 18-year-old Floridian arrested for his fake medical practice—the state is also home to a major opioid crisis chronicled in the acclaimed journalism project by the Palm Beach Post called "Generation Heroin."

Florida was also home to a synthetic drug scare that included bath salts and a related drug called “flakka,” which were falsely implicated as the cause of two cannibalistic face-eating attacks. One of these attacks left a husband and wife fatally wounded, and another ended in the violent attack of a 65-year-old man. Authorities in both cases are still wholly unsure what led the suspects to engage in the cannibalistic behavior. 

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Bryan Le grew up in the 90's, so the Internet is practically his third parent. This combined with a love for journalism led him to The Fix. When he isn't fulfilling his duties as Editorial Coordinator, he's obsessing over fancy keyboards he can't justify buying. Find Bryan on LinkedIn or Twitter

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