DEA: Your Teens Could Be Hiding Drugs in Their Calculators

If you are a parent with a teen who suddenly seems way too interested in their TI-83, you might have a budding drug user on your hands, warns the DEA. And it's not just calculators either.

On April 20, the DEA HQ Twitter account posted, “Find out where kids hide drugs” with a link to a page called “Hiding Places” on GetSmartAboutDrugs.gov, which bills itself as “A DEA Resource for Parents, Educators and Caregivers.”

Find out where kids hide drugs: https://t.co/hLxZiiyVQb https://t.co/xHXoOKsR7B

— DEA HQ (@DEAHQ) April 20, 2017

“All parents strive to have an open and honest relationship with their teens,” the DEA site reads. “However, if your young loved one is dealing with drug addiction, they often become secretive, and as parents you may find answers in their rooms or vehicles.”

The first item on the list that may hold your kid's hidden stash is the alarm clock in their room, says the DEA. Drugs, “specifically small baggies,” could be tucked away in the battery compartment next to the batteries.

The titular graphing calculator is second in the slideshow. 

“You usually wouldn’t be suspicious of your teen keeping his or her graphing calculator close, but if you suspect them of addiction, you may have to be,” the site reads. “Just like with alarm clocks, a small amount of drugs can be hidden inside of the battery compartment.”

The DEA also suggests checking the pen caps of all your teen’s highlighters as a small baggy of drugs could be pushed up inside. Besides common school supplies, teens might also stash their small baggies pushed tightly up inside the toes of their shoes or taped to the wall behind their posters in their rooms. 

Their dearest teddy bear is also fair game—check Mr Fluffy’s seams for small baggies of drugs. The particularly crafty may hide their edible drug candies in plain sight by putting them in the wrappers of normal candies. If your teen is a gamer, check the many small compartments of their “PlayStation, Wii, Xboxes” for drugs.

Twitter users did not let the DEA slide, commenting that these warnings only served to sow counterproductive mistrust among family members.

@DEAHQ translation: stormtroopers fearmonger to get you to spy on your kids. #EndTheDrugWar #ReisgnEnMasse

— theAmishTerrorist (@AmishTerrorism) April 20, 2017

The DEA has previously tried to reach out to teens with a “virtual field trip” to meet real people battling heroin addiction. They have also warned the public of stoned rabbits if marijuana is legalized in Utah.