Woman Poses As Court Employee To Duck DWI Charge

By McCarton Ackerman 04/30/14

Jana Porciau pretended to be a district court employee in order to get her hands on her toxicology report.

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In one of the more boneheaded attempts to avoid criminal charges in recent memory, a Louisiana woman is now in prison after pretending to be a court employee in order to destroy a toxicology report.

Jana Porciau, 23, was involved in a DUI crash on April 12, during which her vehicle struck the fence of an elementary school and overturned. She was taken to Baton Rouge Medical Center, where medical staff took a toxicology sample, and was brought up on the charges of DWI, not wearing a seat belt, and careless operation.

Ten days later, however, she called the Louisiana State Crime Lab and pretended to be an 18th Judicial District Court employee. Using a pseudonym, Porciau requested that the “incriminating” toxicology report be destroyed “because the case had been dismissed and was not going to be prosecuted.”

The only problem? Pourciau called the crime lab from her personal cellphone and contacted them from her personal e-mail account while using the fake name. Detectives immediately brought her to the station for questioning, where she admitted to the ill-advised and rather poorly executed scheme. Police arrested her for false impersonation and forgery.

However, this may not be the worst attempt to escape charges of driving while impaired. In 2004, 18-year-old Canadian David Zurfluh ate his underwear in the hope that the fabric would absorb the alcohol in his system before taking a breathalyzer test. He was ultimately acquitted of a DUI charge because he blew a .08, the legal limit.

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McCarton Ackerman is a freelance writer and editor living in Portland, Oregon. He has been a contributor for The Fix since October 2011, writing on a wide range of topics ranging from medical marijuana in Colorado to the world's sexiest drug smugglers. Follow him on Linkedin and Twitter.