So Which 'Drunk Type' Are You?

So Which 'Drunk Type' Are You?

By May Wilkerson 07/21/15

Whether fun and extroverted or brooding and dangerous, there's a drunk type for everyone.

Image: 
Ernest Hemingway
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Whether you end up giggling, dancing, or throwing lamps, most of us have slightly or significantly different personalities when we hit the sauce. Now a new scientific study has broken down people’s under-the-influence personalities into four major “drunk types.”

Researchers at University of Missouri-Columbia in South Carolina studied the drunk behavior of 187 undergraduate students and then created four subgroups, based on the five main factors used by psychologists to determine personality: neuroticism, extraversion, openness, agreeableness, and conscientiousness.

They categorized the results into four kinds of drunk personalities that they matched up with some fictional and non-fictional characters throughout history. See the categories below to find out where you fit:

1. The Hemingways

This drunk type consumes a lot of booze without anyone noticing, much like renowned author Ernest Hemingway, known for his heavy alcohol intake. Members of this group reported only marginal changes in personality while inebriated. Interestingly, this was the largest group by far, leading researchers to conclude that this “drunk type” represents the majority of drinkers. This group also doesn’t tend to experience any major consequences for their drinking, those lucky Hemingways!

2. The Mary Poppins

This drunk type may be the best to have around while drinking. Like the iconic British nanny, the "Mary Poppins" group are friendly and cooperative when sober. But when drunk, they become more extroverted, without decreasing much in conscientiousness or intellect. This group of fun, cooperative drunks, made up only 14% of the sample group. “The Mary Poppins group of drinkers essentially captures the sweet, responsible drinkers who experience fewer alcohol-related problems compared to those most affected,” explains the study.

3. The Mr. Hydes

You may know this type as the “guy who ruined my birthday party.” These drunks take after fictional Dr. Jekyll’s evil alter-ego, and their boozy transformation can get pretty ugly. Members of this group reportedly decreased in conscientiousness and intellect, without much of an increase in extraversion. “Members of this group, much like the dark-sided Mr. Hyde, reported a tendency of being particularly less responsible, less intellectual, and more hostile when under the influence of alcohol than they are when they are sober, as well as relative to members of the other groups,” the study said. The Mr. Hydes were also more likely to experience negative consequences from their drinking, like blackouts or arrests. If you’re a Mr. Hyde, you may want to consider taking at least a month off the sauce.

4. The Nutty Professors

This type, named after the character played by Eddie Murphy in the 1994 cult film, is your shy friend who morphs into the life of the party after a few drinks. This group experienced the greatest changes when drunk—they became much more extroverted while experiencing a marked decrease in conscientiousness. But unlike the Mr. Hydes, they were less likely to make bad decisions or experience harmful consequences for their drinking.

Researchers noted that this study is based on self-reported information and “typical” drunken experiences, and should not be considered hard science. Also, the sample group was made up of primarily white, American college students, so the study authors caution: "do not attempt to extend or apply these findings beyond the college-aged drinkers who were studied." But that doesn’t mean you aren’t likely to find a Mary Poppins or a Mr. Hyde in pretty much any dive bar in the world.

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May Wilkerson is a writer, comic and Managing Editor @someecards. Co-host of the podcast Crazy; In Bed w/ @alyssalimp. She is also the top Google result for "insufferable lunatic." Follow this insufferable lunatic on Twitter.

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