The Quick Fix: Celebrity Round-Up

By Sam Lansky 12/16/11

Lindsay Lohan Nearly Gets Shot, Flo Rida Dodges Jail, and Teen Mom's Amber Potwood Violates Parole

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LiLo on the other end of a gun Photo via

No Jail For Rapper Flo Rida In DUI Case [TMZ]
Rent-a-rapper Flo Rida has dodged jail time for a DUI last June, instead enrolling in a rehabilitation program called “Back on Track” to receive lesser charges. We’re all for second chances, but if this means another Flo Rida album sooner rather than later, do us all a favor and send the guy to the clink.

Hollywood Bodyguard Tells of The Night Lindsay Lohan Almost Got Shot [National Enquirer]
A Hollywood bodyguard says he saw Lindsay Lohan narrowly avoid being shot during a drug deal gone bad, a story that can probably be corroborated by literally anyone who has ever used cocaine in the greater Los Angeles area.

Sarah Harding Details Life Leading to Rehab: "I was such a mess" [Daily Mirror]
Sarah Harding, the singer from UK girlband Girls Aloud, says she was “such a mess” when she decided to head to an Arizona rehab—surprising, given that in 2007 the dipsomaniacal chanteuse said, "Only pussies go to rehab." Her sportswear line of ironic t-shirts bearing that slogan should be out any day now.

Mitchel Musso, Child Star, Pleads Not Guilty to DUI []
Mitchel Musso, known for his work on Disney show Hannah Montana, pleaded “not guilty” last Friday to DUI charges stemming from an arrest this past October. His attorney entered the plea on his behalf at the Burbank courthouse. Which feels like a missed opportunity, since Musso could have easily sent his bewigged pop star alter ego to do it.

Nick Nolte Talks About His Drug Use [Huffington Post]
Actor Nick Nolte tells GQ of his infamous DUI arrest and grizzled mugshot: "I knew the history of [GHB]… and I knew how to use it." His knowledge of deep conditioning treatments, however, still leaves something to be desired.

Teen Mom Star Faces Two Year Jail Term For Violating Parole [Daily Mail]
Teen Mom cast member Amber Portwood, famed for dissociative rage fits and hard-partying antics, may face two years in jail for violating five of her parole terms—she got drunk and disorderly at a restaurant last month. Ironically, her infant daughter Leah will probably be safer this way.

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Sam Lansky is the West Coast Editor at TIME. He has written for Rolling Stone, New York Magazine, The Atlantic, Grantland, Cosmopolitan, Esquire, OutBillboard and more. He is also the author of The Gilded Razor. You can find Sam on Linkedin and Twitter.