Nicole Scherzinger: I Was Hooked on Self-Harm

By McCarton Ackerman 10/04/12

The former Pussycat Doll secretly struggled with self-injury while she was in the group.

Nicole Scherzinger
Scherzinger says music "saved" her. ID 137068822 © Starstock |

Nicole Scherzinger, a former member of girl group the Pussycat Dolls and a current judge on the UK X Factor, reveals in VH1's upcoming Behind the Music special that she once had a self-harming addiction, which started when she was a member of the group. "I just hated myself. I was in a group but I never felt so alone in my life...I never did drugs, but hurting myself was my addiction," Scherzinger says in a promo for the special. "I must be an artist because I'm fucked up! When I close the door, I'm not who you think." Her mother Rosemary also reflects on the secretive nature of her daughter's compulsion, saying the pop star kept it under wraps until it spiraled out of control: "I didn't realize that disease that she had. She kept it from us." Scherzinger credits music with helping her recover, calling it "the only thing I can trust." She's reportedly now working on her second solo album, which has yet to be given a release date. Another current X-Factor judge, Demi Lovato, has also been open about her struggles to avoid cutting—she went to rehab in 2010 to treat her issues with self-harm, substance abuse and bulimia. Scherzinger's Behind the Music special airs on VH1 this Sunday at 9 pm Eastern.

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McCarton Ackerman is a freelance writer and editor living in Portland, Oregon. He has been a contributor for The Fix since October 2011, writing on a wide range of topics ranging from medical marijuana in Colorado to the world's sexiest drug smugglers. Follow him on Linkedin and Twitter.