Priapic Pillhead "Pillaged His Pop"

You might think a man with a painful erection that persists for half a day would decide to follow his, uh, nose to the hospital. But David Miller, 30, of Manhattan's Upper East Side allegedly decided to rob his dad instead, reports the New York Post. Cops cuffed Miller—who suffers from a condition called priapism, causing unwelcome erections for over four hours—for allegedly resorting to robbery to get the painkiller-money to help ease his situation. Tommy Miller, 57, suspects his son is addicted to oxycodone, and he may just be right—cops say he broke into his father's home, pulled out a knife and declared, "I want you out, and I want money." Miller Sr. had his son arrested on charges of burglary and attempted robbery. “My son has a very rare disease, he has a priapism, which means he gets an erection that lasts five or six hours, and it’s very painful,” he explained. “They gave him oxycodone. That’s his problem." It's not the first time Miller Jr. has been accused of robbery to feed his habit—earlier this year, he was charged with pulling out a kitchen knife and saying to a man sitting on a park bench—with his trademark directness—"Give me $20! Give me $20!" The "victim" overpowered him and called the cops instead. The causes of priapism are often obscure, but may include black widow spider bites, carbon monoxide poisoning—and the abuse of prescription medications, marijuana or cocaine. David Miller, who has a rap sheet of 11 arrests running back to 2006, has been bailed out by his dad in the past, but at press time was still locked up with some hard men on Rikers Island.