In an interview with Event magazine, Nicole Scherzinger described her struggle with bulimia, and said her bandmates deserve an apology. “There were a lot of moments when I was with them that I was distant and stand-offish,” she said. “I never opened up to them to talk about my problems and I would shut myself away—and push them away—because I was battling this horrible secret illness, bulimia.”

Scherzinger revealed her eating disorder to the world in 2012, waiting eight years before finally getting help. “It’s sad to see how I wasted my life, I had such a great life on the outside, the Dolls were on top of the world, but I was miserable on the inside,” she told Cosmopolitan UK last year. 

“It was such a horrible, paralyzing disease and it was such a dark time for me,” she added. “I didn’t think anyone knew in my group or in my family because I hid it that well, I was so ashamed.”

Scherzinger, who described herself as a “shy, awkward and lanky” child, talked about bulimia with Event as well. “Between 18 and right up to my mid-30s, I suffered from bulimia,” she said. “It was all wrapped up with my low self-esteem and a crippling lack of confidence. It’s taken me a long time to deal with these issues and I feel so annoyed that I let that disease take over.”