Lifestyles of the Rich and Sober
Lifestyles of the Rich and Sober
If you’ve given up alcohol and drugs, chances are that you’re saving quite a pretty penny. But money has never really been an issue for some recovering addicts and it’s actually possible to be far more extravagant in sobriety than you were in your wildest party days. From four-figure coffees and teas to spa treatments, books and a week-long detox that costs more than some homes, here are some decadent yet healthy ways for you to unload the contents of your wallet.
A Seriously Hefty Big Book
Sometimes having any old copy of the Big Book isn’t enough. If you want to feel like the spirit of Bill Wilson is motivating you forward, at least one first edition from the first printing of the Big Book (autographed by Wilson himself) is available for just $50,000. Less than 5,000 books were produced during this initial press run, making it a rare item to begin with. Despite the fact that it was published in 1939, this copy remains in relatively good condition. If the autograph is more important to you than the book itself, there are slightly less rare autographed versions available, like this one for $15,000 and this one for $9,000.
Consider starting your day off with some Kopi Luwak brew from Indonesia, which costs $160 per pound, or a cup of rare Chinese oolong tea called Tieguanyin, which is priced at $1,500 per pound.
If you haven’t sobered up yet, there are plenty of places to do your 30 days where it feels more like a vacation than a detox. Believe it or not, Promises in Malibu isn’t the priciest option—although, at $57,000 per month, it’s three times more expensive than a month stay at the Paris Ritz; even their rumored $100,000 per month program that lets you design your own sobriety doesn’t take top billing. For that honor, head to Australia’s Sanctuary Byron Bay, which is located in the Bali-wood glamour of a popular beach town—with a price tag of $28,000 per week. You certainly get what you pay for though: clients stay in beachfront bungalows and the staff-patient ratio is 15 to one. Guests also have the services of a personal trainer, massage therapist, chauffeur, naturopathic consultant and their own full-time personal chef. If you’d rather stay stateside, Passages Malibu is the most extravagant US rehab option at $80,000 per month. Luxuries—beyond the $23 million mansion facility itself—include an assigned personal assistant that tends to all your needs and a world-class chef that prepares daily meals custom made to your exact tastes.
If the idea of entering a facility, even a luxury one, is too much to bear, you can always follow the lead of true ballers who detox in style at luxury suites at Claridge’s in London or Trump Tower in NYC to the tune of about $3,000 per night. For the roughly week-long experience, they’ll then hire an on-call doctor to administer a detox program and medication (an estimated $15,000 per week), a 24-hour nurse to facilitate it (roughly $3,500 per week), and a round-the-clock sober companion to oversee the entire operation (approximately $10,000 per week). The final total for a week of the most luxurious stint of detox known to man? Around $50,000. Room service not included.
There are plenty of luxury ways to rack up a bill on drinks even if you’re no longer doing it at the bar. Consider starting your day off with some Kopi Luwak brew from Indonesia, which costs $160 per pound, or a cup of rare Chinese oolong tea called Tieguanyin, which is priced at $1,500 per pound. Those who’d never consider getting their water from the tap like the rest of the riff-raff can grab a bottle of Bling H2O for $40. And those who need something to brew that Kopi Luwak with can always pick up a Nespresso Crystal Edition Coffee Machine. Decked out in 3,100 Swarovski crystals, it comes with a price tag of $4,000.
McCarton Ackerman is a freelance writer currently residing in Portland, Oregon. His work has appeared in Time Out New York, The Huffington Post, abcnews.com and usopen.org, among others. He has also written about Carré Otis and Celebrity Rehab, among other topics, for The Fix.