Courtney Comes Clean - Page 7

By Maer Roshan 05/22/11

Rock's troubled icon rages on about drugs, sex, rehab, plutocrats, Kurt Cobain, Andre Balazs, Gwyneth Paltrow, and snorting coke up Pamela Anderson's ass. (And that's just Part One.)

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The Survivor: Courtney Love's most Intimate Interview Ever.

(page 7)

Do you go to A.A. meetings? 



I try to. Though I have mixed feelings about the whole A.A. thing.  

It’s complicated. I love the fact that it was endorsed by Carl Jung, who was a fucking genius. I like listening to people share their problems. I know it’s helped a lot of people. But there is definitely something about A.A. that seems a little dirty to me.

Dirty? 



Yeah, dirty. Lots of people go to meetings just for celebrity sightings, which is kind of slimy, don’t you think? [Rifling through her photo album] Hey, do you want to see a picture of me the very first time I ever got high? God, that was so long ago. [Sighs] You know, yes, I have problems, but I’ve tried really hard to overcome them. I have this reputation of being a huge drug addict, which is no longer true. People need to believe that I’ve changed...

Why? 



Because it’s ruinous to my life, to my child’s life, to everything.  It's why Frances was taken away.

You once said that the first drug you fell in love with was heroin. Were you immediately hooked?


Not at all. In fact, I hated heroin the first time I did it. The whole idea of rock stars on heroin seemed so cliché. 



Were you living in Seattle at the time?




No, Kurt and I were living in L.A. There’s this persistent myth that we spent our whole lives in Seattle. The reality is that we only were there for six miserable months. We bought a house there because it was the only way we could escape all the shit stirred up by that Vanity Fair article, where Lynn Hirschberg claimed that I was doing dope while I was pregnant. The blowback was so bad that Kurt and I had to leave Hollywood for a while. [Flips through her photo album again] Oh, you want to see some funky junkies? Check this out. Here’s the kid who I met when I was in Silver Hill—he and I were both there to get off benzos. He was maybe 20 years old. He became my best friend. We were both having these horrible withdrawals, but they refused to give us the right kind of meds, so we were both massively fucked up.  We sat side by side on these rocking chairs for 72 hours, seeing bugs and dragons. It was like we went through a war together, but I don’t even remember his name. 



In some quarters your junkie mythology provides you with a bit of street cred. 



Maybe, but I’m no longer interested in perpetuating that. I’m an establishment woman now, goddammit! I’m a fucking plutocrat! I’m fun! I’m sober! I’m fabulous! I may have a few character defects, but I’m not dishonorable, and I’m not a liar, and I have a good heart. I have a big mouth. But my personal and romantic relationships are sacred and precious to me. There are few things I can do really well. I write lyrics and I sing music. I love clothes and music and movies and acting. But I lack a certain set of basic life skills, which is probably why I got into drugs in the first place. I wish someone could give me a course on living.



This is the first installment of a two-part interview. Continue to part two here.

Maer Roshan is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of The Fix. Previously he was Deputy Editor of New York Magazine, Editorial Director of Talk, Features Editor of Interview, Founder of QW, and Founder and Editor-in-Chief  of Radar Magazine and Radaronline.com.

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