Courtney Comes Clean - Page 4

By Maer Roshan 05/22/11

Rock's troubled icon rages on about drugs, sex, rehab, plutocrats, Kurt Cobain, Andre Balazs, Gwyneth Paltrow, and snorting coke up Pamela Anderson's ass. (And that's just Part One.)

The Survivor: Courtney Love's most Intimate Interview Ever.

(page 4)

Why do you think people are so fascinated with you?

Because I have a really good story to tell. I’m  honest. I’ve seen a lot. A lot of people feel like they know me—they see me as a drunk and a show-off and a mess, but that’s really not the truth. 

I had this intensely fucked up childhood: my mother abandoned me when I was a teenager. I lived through my husband’s suicide. There was a period when drugs completely took over my life. But I also went out with Edward Norton for four years and didn’t do any drugs or walk a single red carpet in all that time. 

There’s no denying that I’ve done a lot of dumb things. I’ve been wasted and written emails and texts that were really hurtful to a lot of people. Sometimes I can be a bit self-obsessed. But contrary to public opinion, I’ve never had a drinking problem. 

I hate that people still stereotype me as a junkie or a crackhead. The truth is, I did heroin for a while and weaned myself off it. I did crack for six months straight and then I stopped.

Was it harder for you to get off coke or heroin?

Heroin, definitely.

How did you manage to do it?

Kicking heroin really sucked. Kicking coke was much easier. The truth is, cocaine was not a good look for me. If you Google me, there’s a period of time when you can clearly tell that I’m just flying on blow, it’s quite apparent. I’ve gone through unappealing phases when I’ve been sober, too, but that’s just because I love to play dress-up. There are times you do outrageous things just because you want to, damn it, or you want to get some press.

But cocaine is an evil, evil drug. It really fucked me up in the head. But as I got older I just kind of grew out of it. You know, I’m 46 years old. One line of blow leads to two days’ depression for me. I’ve turned to other things for my release. 

Do you see that thing over there, that little altar? I sit there every day and I meditate and that’s what keeps me fucking sane. I meditate and I also medicate. [Pointing to a plastic bag at the side of her bed] And as you can see, I still take a few legal prescriptions...

Wow, Courtney! That’s a shitload of bottles you got there. 

Most of them are empty, I promise. For some reason, I save my empty pill bottles. They're mostly anti-depressants like Abilify. Which cost me about two grand a shot, by the way. Do you like these shoes? They’re like $2,000. I bought eight pairs of them. Ever since I stopped doing drugs, I’ve become manic about fashion.  

You said that when you first started taking Abilify you had to do jumping jacks in the closet to calm yourself down. 

Yeah, I guess I was just taking too many. But after I adjusted the dose I felt a lot better. Which isn’t to say that things are perfect.  I’m currently in the middle of this strange relationship. It’s this tragic high-school romance that is so silly that it makes me sad. But it’s nice to feel romantic again. All the drugs just neutered me. When I was on drugs, I felt like this nunnish, non-sexual person.

Please read our comment policy. - The Fix