College Student Takes Bad Molly, Jacks Ambulance, Then Himself

By McCarton Ackerman 11/10/14

Stefan Sortland capped off a cocaine- and ecstasy-fueled Halloween by masturbating while in jail on an assortment of charges.

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Mom must be proud. Photo via

A severe reaction to molly and cocaine led to a Colorado college student having one hell of a Halloween night after he was arrested for car-jacking an ambulance.

Eighteen-year-old Colorado State student Stefan Sortland took the drugs before attending a Halloween party. For reasons that defy logic, he saw an empty ambulance and decided to take it for a joy ride. Police officers later found the vehicle heavily damaged in the middle of Highway 34, while Sortland stood 30 yards from the scene wearing an EMT vest.

After shooting him with a stun gun when he refused to comply with their orders, Sortland was handcuffed and taken back to the police station. But while in a holding cell at the  Loveland Police Department, the teenager reportedly “stood on a bench, kicked the wall and masturbated." He later told police that his friends and roommates “were dead, in heaven and committed suicide.”

Sortland was transported to Larimer County Sheriff’s Office, but allegedly attacked two deputies who tried to bring him lunch. In addition to criminal charges of assault for that incident, Sortland also faces charges of aggravated vehicle theft, obstructing EMS, reckless driving, hit-and-run, criminal mischief, attempted motor vehicle theft, and unlawful possession of a controlled substance. His bail was set at $15,000.

For some reason, bad drugs and public masturbation seem to go hand-in-hand. Last December, an Oregon native blamed his meth consumption for masturbating inside a local bar and fighting with 12 officers. Andrew Frey, 37, was kicked out of a supermarket in Beaverton for refusing to leave, so he responded by walking into a nearby restaurant and masturbating.

He began fighting with the officer called onto the scene and showed no reaction even after being zapped several times with a taser, leading to more than a dozen officers being called to the scene to subdue Frey. He later told officials that he had no recollection of what happened. Frey was eventually charged with theft, resisting arrest, and public indecency.

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McCarton Ackerman is a freelance writer and editor living in Portland, Oregon. He has been a contributor for The Fix since October 2011, writing on a wide range of topics ranging from medical marijuana in Colorado to the world's sexiest drug smugglers. Follow him on Linkedin and Twitter.