Tweak's Nic Sheff On Life After Meth

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I mean, sure, I have fears and anxieties and days when I feel so drained and insecure and needy. But mostly I just feel content. I am more connected with gratitude and love than anything else in my life. That is the “me” today. And that is the “me” that isn’t present in either of my books.

So what do I do with the “me” that is me now? Do I write another memoir to try and reflect the new person I think I’ve become? Or did this “me” come about only because of all the failed “me”s that have come before? The truth is, I am the culmination of everything and the culmination has left me here, in this moment, and I am grateful. I mean, gratitude is my whole voice. Or, at least, it is today. For the moment.

But I do know—I really believe—that as long as I stay sober, my life will just keep getting better—day by day by day. And by the time my next book comes out (which, I promise, will definitely not be a drug memoir), I’m sure I’ll look back at the 28, almost 29-year-old me, and wonder how I could’ve been so insecure and unsure and fearful of the future. I’ll look back at the gratitude and love that I feel now, and it’ll seem so tiny and insignificant.

Because, for the “me” that I am and all the “me”s that I will be, it will just keep getting better and better.

At least, that’s what I believe today.

As long as I stay sober.

And as long as I keep holding on.

Nic Sheff is the author of two memoirs about his struggles with addiction, Tweak, and We All Fall Down. He is 28 and lives in Los Angeles with his fiancee, two hound dogs, and a cat. He is currently working on a novel about sisters growing up in a Northern California cult.