Pretty (Drunk) in Pink
A modified plastic flamingo is the latest garish crunk catalyst.
The creators of the Flabongo seem to have felt the world needed a way to make binge drinking more attractive, easy and fun. The solution? A device resembling an average pink garden flamingo—with the beak sawn off and a hole cut in the bottom of its belly—that makes getting uncontrollably wasted very quickly more garish than ever, and can now be bought online. Binge drinking enthusiasts say that the Flabongo has a couple of distinct advantages over the traditional beer bong: you don't have to rummage for a hose and funnel to make one, and its hard, plastic design makes it easy to chug alone—although of course that would mean no one to hold your hair in the bathroom later. The Flabongo's makers didn't respond when asked to comment, but their product can carry up to three beers; the foolhardy reveler then holds it up high, tips it over and drinks from its beak-less mouth.
It's (naturally) proving popular with college students, who find it a novel way to bong beer. "It's just one of those things that are so... stupid or impractical that college kids need to have one," Tommy, a freshman, tells The Fix. From what he's seen, the whole drinking-from-a-flamingo thing definitely drives partiers to drink more. "It's one of those 'You have got to try this!' things," he admits, "and you can't really say no... especially when you already have a few drinks inside of you." This novelty factor is even attracting a post-college crowd: Sarah, a professional New Yorker in her 20s, tells The Fix that her blue chip company once provided Flabongos at a casual client meeting. “They got everyone really drunk really fast since everyone was chugging it in a contest fashion,” she recalls. “The danger is you get drunk really quickly, get light-headed, and don't realize you're drunk right away.” This dangerous effect is sure to be amplified for underage drinkers—and with 30% of girls between 13 and 15 reporting that they binge drink, providing a funner, pinker way to do it is unlikely to bring good news. But that's unlikely to stop those who say nothing fits the bill like chugging beer passed backwards through the digestive system of a plastic pink bird.