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How to Kill Off Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen is a reformed man, claims his big brother Emilio. But can he forgive Two and a Half Men for savagely killing off his character?


Not all Cats Have Nine Lives Photo via

By Matt Dickinson


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It's been hours since anyone's heard from Charlie Sheen, but thankfully Mighty Ducks star Emilio Estevez has taken a well-deserved break from directing underrated biopics to assure the world that his brother is a changed man. Estevez—who, along with his father, Martin Sheen, works a more traditional recovery program than his modality-pioneering sibling—told Access Hollywood, “He’s a different guy. He’s a completely different guy. He’s got his voice back. And I think he’s got his focus. He’s on a new show and he’s gonna be roasted by Comedy Central—which I think is going to be hysterical. I think that he’s really got it together. And he’s very excited about the crew of the show he’s putting together.” Estevez's claims seem to be borne out by the white Tiger himself. When asked recently about the decision of his nemesis, Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre,  to kill off the "train wreck" actor in an actual subway train wreck, Charlie Sheen serenely turned the other cheek. "I am honored that it took something as large and violent as an oncoming train to terminate my character," he said philosophically. "Anything less would have been an insult!" But couldn't Lorre have come up with something more Charlie to kill off Sheen's character? Something bigger, grander, more...winning? Perhaps the much-maligned producer could have trotted out the late-series trope of hauling an aging cast to Vegas for hilarious hijinks, a-la-Friends. Once there, in recognition of Sheen's oft-quoted boast of having tiger blood coursing through his veins, Lorre could have opened the season with a tasteful mauling--an homage to Seigfreid and brave Roy--in a more fitting solution to mark the end of Sheen's longtime reign as the craziest cat in prime time. But on second thought, maybe a subway death is a tidier, more politically correct way for CBS to deal with its Sheen problem.  After all, killing off one tiger has proved costly enough for CBS's head honchos. Having the blood of two tigers on their hands might be simply cat-astrophic for the Tiffany network.


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