How MTV's Hottest Mess Cleaned Up His Act
(page 3)How hard was getting sober?
The first six months were basically hell. I hadn’t felt emotions in such a long time. In my bathroom, I have a picture of my mug shot—it’s by my toothbrush—and I look at that in the morning when I brush my teeth, and at night when I brush my teeth, and I see it and it reminds me. I don’t want to ever go there, ever again. I love being able to get in my car and go drive. I love not wondering if there’s someone behind me, always looking over my shoulder. Drinking is stupid. There’s nothing that comes from it. You feel loose but you look like an idiot, you act like an idiot, and you feel like shit the next day. I watch normal drinkers and that doesn’t seem fun to me. I mean, I can be around it and it’s fun for like an hour, an hour and a half, but when their social skills start to go down, I don’t like being there.
I have a picture of my mug shot—it’s by my toothbrush—and I look at that in the morning when I brush my teeth, and at night when I brush my teeth, and I see it and it reminds me.
How’s dating sober?
I love it. I realized I don’t like as many girls as I thought! I’m serious. The girls I would date—that I’d usually go up to in a club or something—are the girls I don’t want to hang out with at all. I want to go find me a girl in Texas or something.
What do you want out of life?
I don’t want to sound like an AA guru or anything, but right now I’m just experiencing life in a totally different way. I couldn’t tell you what I want right now. I obviously want to be happy and healthy, and get married and have a family somewhere down the line, but right now I’m enjoying life again. I want it to keep going as it’s going, and take it day by day.
Ruth Fowler has written for The Village Voice, The Guardian, The Huffington Post, The New York Post and The Observer. Her memoir, No Man's Land, which documented her pre-sobriety experiences as a stripper in Manhattan, was published by Viking in 2008. She also wrote about why doctors can't deal with addicted patients and nursing your way back to health, among many other topics.