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Brits Ballistic Over Boozy Babies

Tabloids keep turning up trashed toddlers! Nation in a tizzy!


Britain's boozing babies: Not exactly as described
Photo via declubz

By Kirwan Gray


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What's up with all the drunken toddlers suddenly popping up in the British tabs? Apparently not much. But the misleading tabloid campaign to publicize the plight of the nation's tiny alcoholics has nonetheless provoked a near-panic across the country. The hoopla began a couple of weeks ago when a three-year old child poisoned by alcohol was rushed to the emergency ward, and was officially recorded as an “alcoholic.” Sarah Matthews, spokeswoman for the British Liver Trust, said: “This is an extreme case and definitely one of the youngest cases of alcoholism we have heard of.” (Not to be outdone, a rival paper discovered an alkie who was only one. Soon after, a six-year-old who cluelessly downed a batch of drugs found in his home was dubbed Britain’s youngest drug addict. We know that youthful drinking is a problem, and we have covered the issue before. But of course none of the kids above were really drunks or addicts; and their parents didn’t pump them up full of booze and drugs. The take-home point of the incidents is an obvious but important one: Don’t leave drugs or alcohol around where young children can get at them. The hospitals themselves aren’t fooled—Royal Bolton Hospital in Lancashire says that many of the incidents involving young children “are thought to be accidents caused by parents giving sick children too much medicine, or toddlers helping themselves to drinks,” according to the U.K. Express.

Mystery solved.

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